Honey, Art

Chapter Nine

 Licking her lips as she thought about it, she notice her exes hopeful gaze upon her. She knew she needed sleep... but it was just dinner. She'd be back in her apartment in 30 minutes. 45 tops. So, she nodded her head. "Yeah, that'd actually be great right now."

They had been sitting on the couch, just enjoying each others company for a few hours now. They hadn't really talked, but they knew they needed to. Neither of them knew how to start though. Lauren wanted to apologize for the way she had ended things. Camila wanted answers, but she felt like they were passed it all that she shouldn't ask for them anymore. So, both women were quiet, unless they were laughing along as they watched the Office. It was Lauren's new obsession. She had watched every season probably more than a dozen times already.

It was nagging at her though. What Dove had said to her earlier this morning. "You avoiding what's going on, is only going to make those pent up feelings, aggression's and - and the things you both need to say, even worse." She knew the blonde was right, but she wished that Dove wasn't. And it just scared her even more than she already was to talk about it with the singer next to her. What if she brought up the sore subject and Camila didn't want to. What if Camila still hated her for what she did? What if Camila still held some resentment against her for breaking up with her in the way that she did? What if this was just opening old wounds and this time, they could never close them again? Or what if Camila didn't actually care anymore?

The thought alone made Lauren stiffen. What if Camila really didn't care anymore? What if Camila was passed it all already but Lauren wasn't? As much as she hated that possibility, she knew that it was one of the many. Camila could have put this behind her already because, lets be honest here, Camila deserved better. Sure, Lauren always treated her great but in their final moments, she didn't. She disregarded Camila's feelings without a thought and left her out to fend for herself and heal in her own ways. Lauren didn't look back and she told the cab driver to just go, without even glance at the crying, sobbing woman at the window of the car she was sitting at. And now the student was even more worried to -

"Hey." Camila said softly, putting her hand on top of Lauren's that held a cup of coffee. Her eyes showed she was worried. "Are you okay?"

Lauren eyed her ex-girlfriend, the guilt eating at her. Lowly and softly, she said it. "I'm sorry, Camila."

Taken aback, Camila leaned back a little to sit up straight. "What?"

Lauren sighed, putting her coffee cup down before readjusting in her seat to face her ex-girlfriend head on. She took a deep breath before she began. "I'm sorry for the way I ended things." She told her more clearly. "It was the shittiest thing I think I have ever done and you didn't deserve that at all. The way I handled things."

"Why - " Camila shook her head, surprised that they were really doing this now. She didn't expect it, even though she's been wanting to address it. "Why are you apologizing now?"

Lauren looked up as she thought about it. She shrugged. "It's been laying on my conscience for quite a while. I think it's long overdue and I think it's the least I could do. I hated the way I ended things and I know - I know I hurt you, especially since I just up and cut you off right after we figured out everything about the apartment. I'm just - I'm sorry."

Camila nodded, letting it sink in her head as she also sunk into the couch cushion. She's wanted that apology for so long that now that she has it, she doesn't know how to react to it. She didn't know how to respond, but she knew she had questions. "Can I ask why? Why you did it the way that you did?"

Lauren nodded now, leaning her elbows on your upper thighs. "I had just shown up at your concert. You were on stage and having the time of your life. I knew that singing and performing is what you've always wanted to do, but it didn't dawn on me just how much you love that life, you know? And I'm the opposite. I like my privacy. I like the quiet. I like be under the radar. I realized that I was holding you back from fully being in that life and I didn't want to do that to you. Or at least, that's how I felt at the moment. Like I didn't belong in your life anymore because of how much of opposites we are."