Honey, Art

Chapter Eleven

 It was in full swing, around midnight when Camila was finally about to take the small stage that was set up in the club. She hadn't seen Lauren yet, so she only guessed that the student ended up deciding on not showing up. She couldn't blame her, but Camila would be lying if she said she wasn't disappointed. She was currently sitting in the back room, right behind the stage getting ready. Her makeup was just about done and her hair was straightened. She was dressed in silk, long black gown with a lace kimono that hung from her elbows. She had already greeted everyone and chatted with her friends, but when she was called backstage, she had to say her goodbyes for now to fully introduce her newest single. The performance was going to be filmed for live television for MTV and she was just waiting on her cue to go by now.

And when she finally got it, a smile instantly rose. It was like things started to go in slow motion as she got out from her chair and made her way to the stage. A crew member handed her an acoustic guitar and she took a seat on the stool that was set in the middle of the stage. She watched as the lights dimmed, the people turned their speaking voices into whispers and eyes were now set on her, even though she barely noticed them. She took a deep breath just as she began to start. The moment she started is when she spotted her. Lauren Jauregui.

The college student was standing dead middle of the crowd, her eyes focusing solely on the singer. It was like a movie. Like there was a light just shining on Camila and then on Lauren. Like the entire place was suddenly empty, the only ones left was Camila and Lauren. And maybe that was a bad thing to think about for the singer as she delved into the song. Their eyes wouldn't tear from one another. Even as the platinum blonde stood next to Lauren, their hands laced together. They didn't notice anything else but each other and Camila's voice, the lyrics.

Couldn't help but overhear you
Sounds like your happy with her
But does she kiss ya, like I kissed ya?

Those three lines seemed to be the ones that stuck out the most to Lauren. And that's what seemed to pull her out of whatever state she had been in, because it only reminded her that she had brought a date tonight. Dove. Her posture stiffened and she swallowed the lump in her throat as she let her eyes wonder back to Camila, who now had her eyes closed as she continued along with the song like their moment never happened. And maybe they didn't even have a moment, Lauren thought to herself. Maybe it was just in her head and maybe Camila's eyes were closed this entire time. Maybe she just wanted to believe they had a moment because of the lingering hope that they still had something to hold onto.

Once the song ended, applause was heard and Camila thanked everyone for coming to her release and birthday party. She said a few more words before letting everyone continue on with the night and to help themselves to the bar, because she surely was going to soon enough. After getting off the stage, the singer was quickly crowded by her friends. They were throwing out the word "congratulations" like it was nothing and hugging her like they had known each other since diapers. And as much as she wanted to hear it, she wanted a little space now. Thanking them, she excused herself and went backstage, up some stairs and to a balcony that overlooked the entire club. It was quieter up here, and she needed it.

She felt like she was close to having a panic attack. As excited as she was to release new music, for some reason, she felt so alone right now at her own birthday party. Sure, she was standing up here alone, but all of these people were here for her, but it wasn't enough to her. She knew her head was getting back into the head space that it was on tour, even though she had promised herself to never let it get that bad again when she dug herself out. But she couldn't help it. Depression was a hell of a drug with this lifestyle.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, she thought back to when life was a little simpler. When she didn't have that many worries in the world but good grades and her family being around anytime she needed them. Or when she had friends that knew her before she was a name on a billboard. As much as she wanted this dream of hers, she was never prepared for how lonely it was going to make her feel. And maybe that's why people always say to check up on your happiest friends. Because even with how happy she seems to be in the public eye these days, inside, she's dying. She feels more free creatively when it comes to her music, but mentally she's trapped.