My Name is Andrew Lee Cooper.

Chapter Fifteen

I eat some fruit and then decide I'm not worth the rest so I put it back into the silver rolling box. Gabby asks me if I've gotten a journal yet. When I tell her no, she takes Mira and I (Mira is new too, apparently, and Gabby just got here yesterday) up to the nurses' station to get each of us one.

"Hi, these two are new and haven't gotten their journals yet." Gabby says to a nurse with shirt, blonde hair and a straight face. She nods and grabs two black composition books and hands them to us. We thank her and head back into the Day Room.

I'm told lots of things that I have to remember. If I ever need anything, I have to go to a staff member or the nurses' station. I have to make my bed every morning and keep my room clean. If I'm having a bad day and need time alone, I can go to the Quiet Room or QR for short. If I get out of hand, they'll give me a shot (which the kids all call a "booty dart") that is basically a sedative so I'll calm down. We have to take a shower every single day. We have these things called hygiene bins with our toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, and a hair comb (I remember getting my letter for it earlier; I got L, ironically).

"It'll get better, I promise." Gabby says. "The first day is always the worst." I try to believe her. She seems nice, and so does Mira. The environment is calm and everyone is laughing and talking. It's different than I thought it would be. A lot different.

I write a lot in my journal. We use these things called "flexi-pens," and they're basically just cheap bendable pens we can't easily harm ourselves with that all have blue ink. I write and write and write until my fingers feel like they'll fall off. I write about my day, I write about the people here, I write about what I'm feeling. It's all basically the same. I miss Elliott, I miss home. I miss my sister, I miss my friends.

I hang out with the two girls. We grow close, and we have a few laughs. We have group therapy, then lunch, then free time. We play video games and talk.

"So are you a boy or a girl?" Lane asks me. I laugh.

"A boy." He looks shocked.

"Really?" I nod, smiling. "I'm sorry, I thought you were a girl." I wave my hand at him.

"No, no, it's okay, really." He smiles back at me and we all continue talking.

I finally get told that if I don't eat I stay longer, and I'm not staying any longer than I have to. So, when dinner comes I eat almost everything on my plate (milk, two chicken tenders, and fruit). I only leave the ice cream, cookie, and a couple tenders, but Mira eats the ice cream and cookie and Gabby eats the tenders so I'm all good. We laugh and joke and I actually smile, genuinely, for the first time in a long time.

Night comes faster than I thought it would. This nurse named Ted runs a night group right before we go to sleep, and we all attend.

We walk down a long hallway, the green walls seeming to close in on me. We enter the room at the end of the hall, used for visitation. There are chairs in the middle of the room put into a circle. As we sit down, a staff member enters behind us walking with a girl about my age.

"Everyone, this is Avery. She is new, please give her a warm welcome." Avery has short, curly, maroon red hair, and pale blue jeans on. She has black rimmed glasses, and her shirt is black with a rainbow equal sign. She must be lgbt. I instantly feel safer with her here.

"You can sit next to me," I say, gesturing to the plastic chair next to me. She smiles gratefully at me and sits down beside me.

"Thanks," she whispers nervously. I nod.

"No problem. I'm Andrew, by the way." The rest of them introduce themselves to Avery and then we sit in silence waiting for Ted. I tell her how long I've been here, and that it's not that bad. That she'll survive. I don't know if I'm trying to make her believe it or me.