∞worthless∞

chapter three - waking

I opened my heavy eyelids. I couldn't focus on anything, my eyes were all fuzzy and unclear. I shut them again.

As I lay there listening, trying to understand where I was, I heard a steady beeping sound. It was really frustrating listening to it. The constant beeping over, and over again.

Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

What was going on? Where was I? Where was everyone? What was that noise? What happened?

It suddenly came flooding back to me. I killed myself.

Wait.

Something isn't right.

I'm here. I'm here, and confused.

I clenched my left hand. Shit, that hurt.

I tried to move my heavy, sore head but something tugged against my nose. A wire? A cable? No, a tube.

I tried to move my legs but they were being held down by something. Rocks? Bags? Wrong again, a singular sheet.

Of course I was weak but I had no clue I was that weak. I mean, somethings got to be pretty wrong with you if bed sheets weigh you down. No wait, hospital sheets. Crisp white, hospital sheets.

Damn, that beeping wasn't stopping. If anything, it was getting faster. I started to panic, what the hell is going on? The beeping started speeding up even more, my heart was beating through my chest, the beeping was going at the fast pace now, my heart was fricking racing..and so was the beeping.

Crap.

I was the one making the beeping sound wasn't I.

Shit

I was in hospital because I tried to kill myself, hadn't I.

Fuck.

There was a handsome man staring at me in disbelief from the end of my bed.

Wait, what?

There was a handsome man staring at me in disbelief from the end of my bed? I jumped, well, I kinda jolted actually. Even that hurt.. but my mind wasn't on that, it was on the handsome man looking at me in desbelief form the end of my bed.

'S-Sam?' He spoke with a hushed voice, his words husky and in a way, surprised.

I looked left, no Sam. I looked right, still no Sam.

Wait.. I was Sam.. Samantha Trusty.

I tried to speak but the words seemed to get lost somewhere between my voice box and my lips. I tried to clear my throat but instead I just heaved and ended up coughing up a heap of blood. Somehow, the mysterious man had moved from the end of my bed to where my head was just in enough time to grab a white bucket to hold under my chin so the disgusting familior crimson liquid splattered horribly into it.

I'm not going to lie, he looked pretty revloted. His eyes suddenly widened.

'Nurse.. nurse! NURSE!' He yelled.

A young female nurse came over and gasped.

'How long has she been awake?!' She asked.

'About a minute?' He answered.

'I'll be right back.' She called as she disappeared into a room with a shiny, silver door.

I watched, wide eyed as I tried to figure out why it was such a big deal I'd woken up.  People wake up every day, and it's not like anyone had ever given a shit about me after my asshole ex-husband ran off with some other girl. I turned my head slightly so I could see the mysterious mans face, the pain was easing up now and I was beginning to regain feeling in my legs.

He was just staring at me so I stared back. He had thick black hair, slightly wavy but it was still a cute boyish length. His eyes were a hazely brown with little flecks of green and gold dotted. I realised he was beginning to smile.. he had such a beautiful smile, he had a little dimple on either side of his cheek that gave him an I-don't-take-life-too-seriously sort of feel.

'I-I- I just can't believe you're okay, you're awake..'

I didn't want to risk talking again so I just crossed my eyebrows to tell him I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

'Sam.. you tried to kill yourself..'

I raised my eyebrows, widened my eyes and nodded my head to give him the "well, duh" look.

'Oh, okay.. well, you were in a coma.. for three months.'

I turned my face to look directly at him and crossed my eyebrows to give him the "What the fuck?" look.

'You don't know me but I know you quite well to be honest, and I'm sorry about that.'

I decided to stop with my facial expressions and just listen. I needed to know who this guy was and exactly what he knew about me because, as you probably already know, I'm not too proud of my shitty little life.

He told me everything that happened from the second I had sunk into the floor to the second I woke up as I listened with great intent.

Apparently I had been lying there, on my freezing, wet, covered-in-blood bathroom tiles for about two days, I had been half dead when they found me. The second I got to hospital they put me in a bed and hooked me up to life support. If they had left me any longer I would have died. They didn't even have time to clean me before I was hooked up, they had to work around the tubes and drips. Anthony had come and visited me every day for three months. That was his name, Anthony. Anyway, everyday he'd come and sit with me for two hours, he'd talk to me and tell me everything. He was the only person who cared enough to come and see me. I mean, I didn't have anyone to care for me; I had no friends or family and defiantly no husband or boyfriend, I only had Anthony. He told me that my neighbour, Miss Brock, had told him everything she knew about me. She told him my husband had cheated on me and then left me, she told him I never looked happy, she told him no one ever came and visited me and that I hardly ever left my minging apartment, I never talked to anyone when she did see me and I never smiled, ever. She told him she knew I was broke because she'd tried phoning me a couple times and the patronising, pre-recorded robot voice at the other end of the line told her my phone had been disconnected.

Y'know what I realised right then? I realised she had noticed me, she had cared enough to phone, she had cared enough to make me lasagne and meatballs and bring it over to my apartment, she had cared enough to pick the lock on my door to force her way into my house when there was no answer, she had cared enough to cry for help when she saw my lifeless, naked body covered in blood lying on the bathroom floor. I realised that even though I didn't know it, there was someone watching me, someone silently caring from afar, someone that would have been there for me if I had needed them. I realise that even though it was only one person, maybe I wasn't so alone in this world as I thought I had been.

Maybe something good could come from this, maybe something could change my life, maybe, just maybe I was slightly glad I hadn't taken my life those three months ago in my crummy, grotty apartment, after my freezing cold bath on my tiled bathroom floor...