Telekinesis and Other Powers

Is There Anybody Out There?

Hiya there! I made a quick cover. I was getting sick of just rotating photos, so I found one that I really liked and slapped some text on it. x)

Also, if you're not already, I seriously recommend listening to the songs. They help set the mood yadda yadda yadda. And sometimes they foreshadow STUFF. Stuff and things!

 And I've read parts of this over so many times that I didn't give it a full proof, so I can't remember why the hat is relevant. Woops.

Still Avery's POV

I love the darkness. I know some people really hate it, but as I like to make clear, I am not like most people. Darkness is peaceful, easy, and best of all, it's always the same. Light is fickle and painful. You wake up and your eyes burn at the sunlight. Light just reminds you of everything you'd like to ignore by making it glaringly obvious. So I hid. I hid in the darkness, Secondhand Serenade playing a depressing sound track as my fists clenched and my jaw ground together. It was one of those times where I wish I am one of those people who can just cry. Crying is supposed to make you feel better, right? When something bad happens you cry and that makes it seem more managable. Isn't that the logic? So why can't I just cry? Why can't the tears stream down my face?

Blood was seeping into my mouth from where I was biting my lip, a nasty habit of mine, I noticed. But that observation did nothing to affect my thoughts.

I knew why I couldn't cry. Crying hadn't done anything that day. It hadn't made a difference when I had cried for the first time in over five years. So why would it make a difference now, when I didn't even know what the heck was going on with my moody brain? I tried taking deep breaths, but of course that didn't actually help. Once again I reached the same conclusion. People were something I should stay away from. All they ever cause is pain, even the good ones. I knew these thoughts were irrational, but my mental panic attack was stubborn, and didn't want to give in to logic.

It was me, my brain said. No, it was not people-It was me. The weird one. The person that was always different. I liked to tell people that the reason I had never dated anyone was because I didn't want to, but that's not the only reason. No one would ever date me. I guess that Liam saying "I think I'm in love" sparked some unknown hope in my heart that someone could be interested. That maybe it would be nice just to know that someone wanted to hold my hand, to run through rain storms with me-even if I didn't want it to go further than that. But...He had just crushed my dreams. Again.

My biggest fear, second to throwing up, has always been this combined fear of people hating me, and of people loving me. Sometimes, after I do or say something, even though it's usually not worse than some of my other sarcastic comments, I just feel AWFUL. Like I could never ever prove to the person that I'm not a gigantic freak. These situations usually end with huge panic attacks about said person hating my guts forever. But then, on the other hand, I've always been so scared that people would love me and I wouldn't know what to do; what to say. That I'd get too attached to them and that they'd leave.

I can never tell these things to anyone, either. I feel too stupid when I vocalize it. So that left them to sit there, festering, just making me feel idiotic and even slightly insecure.

I have often thought of death. I have an incredibly strange way of thinking, and one day it just popped into my head how terribly easy it would be to die. I realized it wouldn't be painless, or helpful in any way, but the thought was just there. Like, what if I could observe the results? How would life go on? Would I be missed?

I sighed. What bugged me was that I knew that I was being irrational. Liam owed me nothing. I couldn't even imagine why he was making me feel so stupidly sad. He hadn't done anything to lead me to believe that we could be more than friends. Hell, we weren't even friends. Just two people who met out of coincidence and hung out two days. He owed me nothing at all.