Behind Her Walls

Chapter 3

I walked out of Health, my fourth class. Buraak walked beside me, still silent from the groundbreaking lecture. A lecture I helped give since I was the TA. The health teacher, Mr. Miller, asked me to lecture the class about sexual assault. He knew what I had gone through in my past, a secret I kept from my father. A secret not many people knew about, Miller is one of the few.

Buraak and I silently walked to the cafeteria, the sent of different foods attacked me. Nausea and dizziness quickly eating me up, I gripped onto Burrak's forearm to balance myself. He looked down at me and immediately wrapped his arm around my waist, keeping me upright.

"Iyi misin, prenses?" (Are you okay, princess?) Buraak asked worriedly. He led me out of the cafeteria, where the blurry people whispered and stared at us. I took in a few deep breaths as we walked down the hall, soon I sat in a chair in an empty classroom.

"Iyiyim," (I'm fine) I choked out trying to control my rapid heartbeat. Buraak looked down, a hint of panic flashed across his face. "I'm fine," I repeated in English this time, my voice stronger.

I tried to stand up but my shaking knees didn't hold me up for long. Before I can fall harshly, Buraak wrapped his arms around me. I felt my body press against him, my arms flat on his chest. He looked down at me as I looked up, a mere inch separated our lips.

I felt my heart slam against my chest, as the beat picked up.

We fell into a tense gaze, he didn't say anything and I couldn't. I knew he had so many questions about my past, questions about the man that touched me. I felt darkness take over my sight as my eyes started to flutter shut.

Memories of the monster, the monster that was my first love. A stranger who found his way into my heart, and soon, he forced his way into my pants. I forced the memories out of my mind, opening my eyes.

"Let me get you some water, you may be dehydrated." Buraak gently sat me down on the seat before grabbing a water bottle from his backpack. I took it with my shaking hands, letting the cold water flow through my esophagus. I drank the whole water bottle, with exception of the small amount that Buraak had already drunk.

Buraak threw the bottle into the trashcan by the door, noticing the people who stood outside watching us. He closed the door, leaving us completely alone in the dim classroom. I took in a deep breath, feeling my heart finally steadying.

"Feeling better?" The tall man said from across the room, slowly walking over to me. I nodded slowly, "tesekur ederim," (thank you) I said softly when he sat in the seat across from mine.

I grabbed my backpack off the ground and looked for my bottle of Advil. Once I found it I took two of the small pink pills. "Sorun degil, prenses," (No problem, princess) He smiled as he watched me swallow the pills with no water.

"You're curious about the boy who touched me," I remarked in a knowing tone as I looked down at my acrylic red nails. "How did you know?" Buraak asked I looked back up at him with a small smile.

"I can see it in your eyes," I mumbled softly, he didn't say anything and we were trapped in another stare. Each stare seemed to hold a new mystery as if staring into one another's eyes will actually answer all of the questions that we had.

"He was my first love," I started taking a deep breath as I looked anywhere but in Buraak's eyes. He seemed to sense how hurt I am as if it would make anything better, he placed his hand on top of mine.

"I met him when I went to France, the summer before Freshman year. My father had a business meeting and I was left alone in the city. That's when I saw him there, I instantly was interested in him. The way he smiled, his eyes, his laugh. He was everything I wanted," I looked into Buraak's eyes, my heart ached so much. This happened three years ago, yet it still hurt me like it was yesterday.

"We talked and went out on secret dates for months, it was the first time I had disobeyed my father's rules for a boy. But we were careful, soon enough I told him I was in love with him, even though I had to come back to California when summer ended. He told me that he loved me too, and I believed him." I felt my eyes fill with tears and a sob escaped my lips. Buraak pulled a chair beside mine and pulled me into a tight hug.

My walls didn't exist anymore, I let myself melt in his arms. He didn't say anything so I continued to speak, "the boy was two years older than me, making him 16 years old at the time. I was only 14." I pulled away from him, he looked down at my hands his jaw locking. Buraak laced his hands with mine, just like earlier, I felt my heartbeat fasten and electricity pumped in my blood.

"I felt so special, a Junior liked me. A boy loved me, Ameera, the girl with the messy hair and shy smile. I was so innocent that I didn't even see what he planned for my last night there. He said we should go to his room, as soon as we were both in there, he locked the door. And h-he," I couldn't control my tears and sobs.

Buraak brought my hands to his lips and kissed them gently, he then pulled me to his hard chest and wrapped his arms around me. I felt myself calm down to his touch, his presence did that to me. It made me feel safe, and that's what scared me the most.

"Shh," he shushed me softly, "seni bir daha incitmene izin vermeyecegim." (I won't let anyone hurt you again)

His words repeated in my mind a hundred times, I've heard that before. I've heard it by the last man I gave my heart to, the man who just broke it again. Ethan.

I pulled away from Buraak and whipped my tears away, I stood up as my inner walls did. I looked down at Buraak with a blank expression, "come on, the bell is going to ring soon."