Behind Her Walls

Chapter 13

I drove faster and faster, as fast as this car could go. So fast that I didn't realize how many red lights I drove through and how many stop signs I didn't stop at.

I didn't feel the tears that had now made a stream on my cheeks. And I didn't hear the sobs that escaped my lips. I couldn't focus on anything, memories flashed through my mind.

Anger and sadness and regret pounded in my chest. I felt my hands hit the steering wheel over and over again, and my mouth became wide. I think I'm screaming, but somehow I didn't know if I was. I couldn't hear anything over the words that replayed in my head.

Noises and sounds and words and everything in between from my dark past and present.

The car came to an obstructive halt, my head flung forward and hit something hard and hurtful. I felt warm liquids cover my face as darkness soon took over my vision.

The darkness soon silenced my memories, everything stopped. Time itself seemed to slow down until I was fully unconscious.

***

The sun shined bright as I watched a little girl run in a beautiful flower field. A baby Golden Retriever followed her around, little giggles and laughter sounded the spring air.

A smile made its way to my lips as I walked towards the little girl. She didn't seem to notice me, yet I noticed something incredible about her. She was me. A spitting image of myself seven years ago.

The little ten-year-old played with the puppy, smiling yet she never said a word. A sound came from a farmhouse behind us, "Ameera, come here! I have a present for you," the familiar voice said.

I followed the little girl to the farmhouse and watched as she sat in front of her father. The man looked so much younger, his eyes seemed brighter and lighter and his hair was darker. He looked happier, peaceful.

The girl watched her father take out a small box from his pocket with a smile on his lips. "You turned ten years old the other night, and I thought that you're old enough to have this." He explained as he opened the small velvet box.

The shimmering diamond ring sparkled as the little girl looked down at it in confusion. "A ring?" She questioned her father as he chuckled to himself. I watched as he looked into her eyes from the little ring, "it was your mother's wedding ring."

I looked down at the ring, eyeing the thing that was supposed to be on my nightstand. I looked around the farmhouse, this is our place in Turkey. So far away from California.

The little girl picked up the ring, looking at it in awe. "I wish she was here," she whispered. No tears formed in her eyes, and barely and grief was shown. How could she grief over someone she didn't know anything about?

The man stiffened and looked down, emotions of annoyance and anger danced in his eyes. The little girl, young and naive, didn't even notice. But I did.

Our father always seemed angry when we mentioned our mother, I had always thought it was sadness. But now I see him, I see the look I had always misinterpreted. And I couldn't help but think: why?

"Why are you angry?" I asked but he didn't seem to notice. I said it again, yelling this time. The floor shook from my voice and I looked around. The room started to get darker and darker, I looked down at the man but he wasn't there anymore. The little girl started to slowly fade away, I tried to hold on to her. I tried to keep the innocent girl from disappearing. But it was too late, she was gone.

Everything went black once again, and after what seemed like a second I was standing on a beautiful street. I watched the fourteen-year-old girl in front of me make the worst mistake of her life.

"Bonjour," an older boy said as he stood beside her. She looked up at him, her wide eyes danced with curiosity. "Bonjour," she softly said. I stood in front of them and yelled, "no! No! Run away, don't speak to him!" I kept trying and trying but their conversation continued.

"My name is Axel," he instroduced himself as they began to walk down the street. I followed them as he kept speaking in his accented voice, "you don't look like you're from around here."

The young teenager shook her head with a sweet smile, "I'm from America, California to be exact." He looked at her in amusement, as if he'd never met an American before. "My name is Ameera," she continued.

He wore a sweet smile, a smile I fell in love with. "Welcome to France, Ameera," he said my name so incorrectly yet the little girl loved it. I wanted to slap her, to tell her to go home to run. But everytime I tried to touch her, my hand went right through her face. As if she was a ghost.

"So what do you like to do here?" She asked making small talk, she wanted the boy to stay here. To accompany her for as long as possible. He laughed and looked down at her, "talk to pretty girls like you."

Time seemed to speed up as a flash-forward took place. All the memories of us together quickly passed by, as if we were pressing a button to speed up time. Everything slowed back down and I was facing my worst nightmare all over again.

"So what do you want to do?" The fourteen-year-old looked around his small room before she sat on the bed. He looked at her with a weird look in his eyes, he sat beside her and placed a soft kiss on her lips. It wasn't the first time they kissed, however, he was her first kiss.

She kissed him back and soon enough it was a heated kiss. She had mistaken it for passionate, but soon enough she'll realize he was just hungry.

His hands slowly made it under her dress, a dress she specifically bought for today. She wanted to have a good last day with him, with the boy she loves. She thought little of his hands at first, then he started to touch her inner thighs.

"No," I whispered softly as my eyes filled with tears. They still couldn't see me, they couldn't hear me. I couldn't stop it, just like before.

The girl pulled away from him and tried to push his hands away, yet they didn't budge. "Axel, what are you doing?" She asked as he tried to kiss her again. He looked into her eyes with a smirk, "you've been a tease for too long. It's time we have some fun."

She shook her head, "no Axel, I don't want to have sex yet. I want it to be special," her heart started to pump faster and faster. She was afraid, afraid he'd laugh at her or kick her out. If only he kicked her out.

He laughed historically as he grabbed her by the waist and placed her on his lap. "Baby, I don't give a fuck about what you want." With that he began to touch her, she tried to squirm away but he slapped her and told her to shut up. She cried but her mouth was soon clammed shut.

I forced my eyes shut as I cried in unity with the little girl, "stop! Please stop! Please stop!" I kept repeating myself, the second time louder than the first and the third louder than the second.

A strong wind blew and the cries of the little girl soon disappeared. I slowly opened my eyes to see myself sitting in a cafe, the cafe that symbolized Ethan. I looked around to find another me from a few months ago.

He sat with his friends on the other side of the cafe, they all looked toward the girl. Pushing Ethan to go talk to her, I couldn't handle the poisoned memory. I wanted to leave but my feet were glued to the ground.

I was forced to watch the boy walk to the girl, I watched them converse and laugh. I watched the girl be so sweet she didn't even recognize herself. And I watched the boy blush softly everytime she would make fun of him and his friends.

The girl's friend, Summer, sat beside her. Annoyed as hell. She told the girl that she didn't trust Ethan in Arabic, but the girl just rolled her eyes and continued to converse. Two hours later, Ethan walked out of the cafe with the girl's number and a new target.

Little did she knew that this was just another heartbreak waiting to happen.