[Excerpt] [Bad Boy's Guide to...] Being Not Good (Bad Boy's Guide Book 1)

Chapter Two: Davin

There was a head hanging over my screen.

There was a head with a mass of blonde curls spilling onto my keyboard, shining bright blue eyes, and a bubble-gum pink smile.

I pulled away slowly and realised the head was in fact attached to a body that was standing in front of my table. And, I did recognise the whole package.

Avery St John.

Mitchell College's answer to what would happen if you got a teletubby to fuck that weird elf from Disenchantment, or what would you get if a rainbow slinky fucked a bucket of glittery fairy floss. She was nauseatingly peppy, didn't understand that there was such a thing as too much colour, and I didn't think she knew how to frown.

After going to school with her for four years, I had started to wonder if she was a robot. And, not even something useful like a sex-bot. Just some annoying throwback from the fifties created to serve as an example of the perfect girlfriend.

Ugh, and she was talking to me.

I debated not taking off my headphones so I wouldn't have to listen to her. But, touching might have been involved then if she decided to remove them for me and I didn't want to risk catching whatever the popular kids had that made them so annoyingly happy all the time.

I slid my headphones down around my neck and rose an eyebrow at her. Her lips had stopped moving, propped open in a little 'o' like I'd surprised her.

Well, I wasn't the one interrupting.

"What?" I asked her.

"What, what?" she replied, pulling back and standing up straight.

Was she slow? Maybe that was why she was so happy all the time.

"What do you want?" I enunciated carefully.

She blinked like it was a foreign concept, then was back to smiling. "Oh. So, I wanted to know if you wanted to go out with me." She caught her bottom lip in her teeth as she gave me this smile that confused me further.

Now, I was blinking. Avery was asking me out on a date. Either Satan was skating to work this morning or I was the most recent butt of a rather ambitious joke. Well, two could play at that game.

"What?" I scoffed, looking back at my screen. "Did that muppet Miles finally dump your goody-two-shoes frigid arse for the super tramp?"

"Yes."

Ouch.

I looked back up at her and saw there was no sign in her eyes of the perfectly peppy smile she had plastered to her face. Girl was hurting and I wasn't helping.

Oh, well.

"Well, that is something I can't help you with."

"Can't or won't?"

"Take your pick." I shrugged; it was all the same to me.

"Come on, Davin." Did she just stamp her foot? "Go out with me."

"Why me?"

"Why not you?"

I looked at her, highly suggesting she take a moment to remember who she was talking about here.

"What? You're such a bad boy that you're too good for me?" she asked, crossing her arms.

Ignoring the idiocy of that statement, I slowly stood up from my seat and rested my hands on either side of my computer to lean towards her. Even then, I towered over her.

"I was thinking more along the lines of the fact you're the human equivalent of every overly optimistic Disney character somehow squashed into one unfathomably tiny body and I'd have no interest in dating you even if I suddenly had a lobotomy and forgot my own name."