Help Me Remember (COMPLETED)

Chapter 29 Part 2

Chapter 29 Part 2

Bewildering

Zachary continued to stare at me with a clouded expression.

"Red," he said slowly, "Are you sure you don't want to remember anymore?"

For a person who went so far to dissuade me from pursuing the past, Zach didn't seem to be happy about what I said.

Bewildered by this turn, I stated "But you're the one who said not to bother with the past."

"You misunderstood my intentions," Zach's hold on my shoulders tightened and he sighed. "I'll admit I'm at fault because I didn't explain."

I thought we were finally on the same page but with his words...

"I'm not following."

One corner of his mouth lifted as if there was anything about this situation to laugh about. I just admitted to being a cheater and he didn't deny it.

"What is there to smile about?" I asked, agitated. "Shouldn't you be angry at me?"

Zachary tilted his head to the side, "I should be angry at you? Why?"

It was starting again. The way he was answering my questions with more questions, confusing me all the more.

"Why should I be angry with you?" Zach asked again in dead calm.

What was he trying to do? "Because..."

"Because?" He raised eyebrows at me, challengingly. "Come on, say it."

This sudden attitude. It was almost... nonchalant to the situation. What was he trying to do? Was he trying to rub it in the kind of woman I was?

"Red," Zachary articulated, "Well? Say it."

A tear slid down one cheek. "We both know w—"

"Say it."

I shook my head, "I don't want to—"

"Say it!"

My eyes widened at the raised voice. Then Zach was leaning in so close, his expression turning dangerous. "Tell me again. Why should I be angry with you?"

It took time to find my voice. "I cheated on you," I whispered. "I'm a married woman and I ran away with another man."

Zach stepped back at my statement, "Then why do you sound like you don't believe your own words?"

I bleakly stared at his words, "Who would want to believe something like that about herself?"

"Tell me again who said that. Valerie?"

I shook my head, "It wasn't just Valerie. Your mom, what everyone says... they all point to the same thi—"

"What do they know about you?" Zach asked me.

That made me stop and I blinked at him, a sudden wash of a different feeling warming my insides. It was scary, and I rejected it. "What are you trying to do, Zach? Are you giving me false hope?"

Zach shook his head, "Not false hope, Red. I want you to step back from their perspective. You're not talking like you. You're talking like them."

My heart was starting to pick up speed again, "But I don't know me. I can only rely on what you tell me."

Zachary's expression softened, "That's why I said I was at fault. I should've explained to you why I didn't like to talk about the past because it happened anyway."

I merely stared at him.

"The reason I don't like talking about the past is because I didn't want to sway you in the wrong direction. I don't want you to see things in my view."

I shook my head at him, "I don't understand. Why would seeing things from your view equal influencing me in the wrong way?"

"That's an easy question," Zach smiled. "Because my truth may not be your truth."

"Your truth may not be mine?" I repeated his words.

He nodded, "And in my estimation, it was best to wait for your memories to return." Then his expression darkened again, "But I honestly didn't count on others sticking their noses where they didn't belong. This is our business. Yours and mine alone."

Ours. I sat there absorbing that concept.

"I do want you to remember," Zach finally said. "Because I know all the answers to your questions are only within your head... plus, the answers to my questions are within your missing memories too."

I didn't expect that. "You have questions too?"

"I do," Zachary looked away for a moment before turning back to me. "For one thing those divorce papers."

My insides squeezed at the mention of that. My voice was suddenly shaky, "W-what about that?"

Blue eyes bore into mine as if it was trying to see into my soul. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"The documents are legitimate. That was your handwriting and your signature and there's no way those could be fake."

My hands clenched into fists, "S-so?"

Zachary breathed out a sigh, watching me as if I was a puzzle he just couldn't figure out.

"I'm not sure what they're for," Zach admitted. "I don't understand how you would want a divorce at that point... it just didn't make sense to me. When I found you in that ditch, you were alone and you were on the passenger side. The driver's side was open and you were alone. It was pouring hard and any evidence of who it was was washed away by the rain." he looked at me, frustrated. "But I'd rather wait for you to remember everything than make assumptions. Although, I have to admit I was angry for a while after the accident. I just don't understand why. I acted coldly towards you and it took time before I snapped out of it and realized I wasn't helping matters."

What kind of relationship did we really have? What was he saying?

"You're not going to explain that, are you?"

Zach paused, "I don't think I should."

After all the unanswered questions and cryptic messages, I thought I understood his stand a little bit. It wasn't as frustrating anymore...

My own truth.

But there was one question at the forefront of my thoughts now.

"At least tell me... was our marriage an arrangement?"

And many might think it was the most stupid of all the holes in my mind that needed to be filled. But that question, to me, felt like an important foundation of everything that I was going to remember.

Zachary took his time answering. He took a step closer...

One step. Two.. three.

And when he stooped down, we were eye to eye. But he didn't stop, he leaned in until our noses were almost touching. For a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me for an answer. I froze in place.

But we didn't touch. He merely spoke, his breath blowing in my face.

"Do I look like the kind of person who would agree to something like that?"

It took time to find my voice in this proximity."I think I understand now what you mean about being swayed," I told him quietly, "and about having my own truth." 

he pulled back then, "You do?"

I nodded once. 

"And there's one truth we have to talk about. It's about Mara's diagnosis. How my condition works... 

And how it's connected to how I almost lost the baby."

Many of the people who know me wouldn't read this stuff. I'm kinda wondering just how you're holding up.