Help Me Remember (COMPLETED)

Chapter 23

*Insert tired rambling author's note on top of the chapter*

Chapter 23

Consider

He said he'd be home as soon as he could.

But he didn't come home that night. I didn't know what to think about that.

He was with Valerie. The name really was enough to stir sour emotions. The memory I had with her in it. I'd managed to pile up all these jagged memories, amass all these questions and so far not get any answers.

So why was my mind focusing only on the fact that Zachary was with that woman... the whole night.

I closed my eyes as I sat on the lounge chair we had on the balcony. The morning light was warm to the skin. A good feeling but not enough to divert me from all my issues at hand.

But if I took it from a neutral point of view, remove Valerie from the picture that is, an administrative-level husband spending a night in the office wasn't unheard of at all. It was nothing to be suspicious of at all.

A neutral point of view. It was also a line of thinking that my emotions didn't like. They insisted on a deeper meaning to Zachary's absence... but I also wanted to believe there really was nothing but work to his night out of the house.

I breather out a sigh.

Why was I such a contrary creature?

It wasn't just about Valerie.

After Zachary left last night, I guess I cooled down a bit. And about the turmoil of emotions I was experiencing over everything, a rational part of my mind had actually considered Zachary's opinions.

"If the past takes up too much of your thoughts, if it limits your actions... if it puts the steps of your present at a standstill and prevents you from looking forward to the to the future...

Then it's not worth it."

I might hate to admit it but he really did have a viable point.

If I was all the bad things that my few memories suggested. If I was a... whore like Zachary's mom accused. If I was someone who would actually stomach getting rid of her unborn child...

Even now, my skin crawled at those thoughts...

And if I found out all those things were actually true about me (And God forbid so)... it wasn't like I was actually going to go back to being that. No matter the circumstances then, I could decide to pick the right choices today.

Right?

It can't be all that easy, a part of my mind snickered in amusement.

Zach was right one way, and I could definitely see him backing his words with his own actions. But I wasn't him. And I wasn't sure I could be as firm as he was. So what do I do?

"Dear?" I looked up to see Susan stooping over me with a glass of milk and a bottle of my supplements.

"Oh, I almost forgot." I took the glass from her and took one tablet. They were for my pregnancy. For the health of my baby.

"That's alright," the older woman smiled down at me, "You seem a bit preoccupied."

Absently, I downed the vitamins along with the milk and handed her back the glass, "Thank you."

Susan took the glass but stayed there, "Is it about Zach, dear?"

I blinked at her, quickly trying to smooth my expression. "N-no, I'm sure he's busy at work."