The Space Spinster (on HOLD)

Log 9. In Stormy Waters

Time Stamp: 31st of the 3rd month, year 2696 CE, 21:13

Location Stamp: Space cruiseliner Solar Wind, home port Mars, owned by the Stellar Cruises Inc., in orbit around planet Jupiter, Solar System, Milky Way Galaxy

***

The first hint of returning consciousness was a cold needle digging into my forearm. Then the stimulants poured into my veins. Hearing came next.

"Did you take me for a weakling?" a voice that could have belonged to an asthmatic python asked someone.

After a momentary confusion, I guessed who spoke. Zan'Zar with his auto-interpreter simulating a breathless anxiety in the dub. I couldn't see shit, but he had to have directed his impassioned tirade at the mysterious second cha'na. Var'Rar.

"No, no..." this Var'Rar answered.

They would probably bicker for a while, so I focused on thrashing my way from the semi-consciousness to the harsh light of reality. It was a bit like a diver coming up for breath.

Lola's face loomed over me. Her nose twitched, her whiskers trembled, and the needle jabbed into me again. This extra dose of fire cleared my sight.

Corrugated steel, panels and dumb droids surrounded me. The place smelled just the way it looked: of overheated alloys, grease, lubricants and sealants, as well as the universal cleaner solution to get rid of grease, lubricants and sealants stains; of cosmic dust and of human sweat. I was in the cargo hold on the Solar Wind, and I had no recollection whatsoever of the journey back in orbit or the docking.

"I didn't think—" Var'Rar squealed, and I instinctively craned my neck toward the sound of his voice. It wasn't as good as standing on my own two feet, but at least some of my muscles worked.

"You didn't think? It's long past time to start, you overgrown tadpole! Thanks to you, Miss Vera is hurt."

I slumped against the metal wall. Turning my head had completely drained me after the kind of day I had.

Zan'Zar sucked in his breath and thrust an accusing tentacle my way. "See what you have done? See?"

"Calm down, please." Var'Rar studied me with curiosity normally reserved for a pile of rusted bolts. "They calibrated the weapons to cause no lasting damage to the natives."

"Natives? I shall have you know humans are effectively sentient."

I could hear the bomb's timer ticking in Zan'Zar's words. If Var'Rar didn't, he was a moron.

Var'Rar turned positively mauve in the face. "Since when... Oh, my shoal! My sweet shoal!"

Nope, not a moron. An utter moron. The interpreter software was of alien making, so I couldn't be sure if cha'na normally conversed like this, or if the extra-dramatic flair came from some other distant planet.

The AI couldn't have been responsible for Var'Rar's furious pacing, however. He marched up the cargo hold, too short for his strides, then whirled on Zan'Zar.

"Have you explored ah... the subject personally while immersing yourself in the local color? You and this native—"

"Shut up! By the abyss, shut up!"

"Oh, pardon me! You and this 'effectively sentient' woman, were you together?"

Lola squeaked and hugged me tighter to her fuzzy chest, making me wish I was able-bodied enough to partake in the drama. I could defend my lack of carnal knowledge. I could weep. Alas, even my tongue was numb, and the medicine tasted so foul, I preferred not to swallow without need. Spitting at Var'Rar would be nice. The gob wouldn't travel the distance, but it was the sentiment that counted.

Var'Rar glared while Zan'Zar wrestled with either his anger management skills or environmental controls. He clicked his beak a few times before forming the words again. "That... that base insinuation does it! Don't bother following me again! I can't stand swimming in the same waters as you, Var'Rar. If I never smell the foam on your shores, it would be too soon."

I was glad I said nothing. I could have never topped that foam from Var'Rar's shores line.

Var'Rar's shrunk visibly. His tentacles fell to his sides. "I'm sorry! The muck raised by the tide blinded me."

Zan'Zar stormed through the secure hatch, Var'Rar tried to follow, but the force field repelled him. Alas, it was painless. "Security?" he called. "Is there security on this damn ship?"

Oh, yes, there was. Most of it was arriving on the scene, along with the detained variels, and caught most of the epic showdown between the two cha'na.

"What in the Stars' name was—" Shameel lost the end of his question to near-asphyxiation, but we all get the gist, even Var'Rar. It was impossible not to. Shameel's face radiated more light and heat than our distant Sun. His chest moved to pull in more air. Once he succeeded, it exploded out of his ears along with the shout of: "What was that lunacy?"

And he advanced on the gigantic double squid, who no longer looked all that large.