It's Only Logical | Big Bang Theory

The Cheesecake Potential

Here I am, an educated astrophysicist with a Ph.D, tapping my feet nervously as I await the beginning of my job interview at the Cheesecake Factory. The Cheesecake Factory. I don't even fancy cheesecake that bad. I also haven't ever worked as a waitress. Sure, I helped Granny now and then when she threw a big, glittery party for her questionably glittery friends, but even then I once spilled a hot cup of coffee on a gentleman's newly ironed pants, and even so he was more upset about the spilled shot of whiskey he had asked me to plop in. "Davenport, is it?" a manly voice asks behind me, and I turn to see a man sitting himself in the bar stool next to me. I nod. This must be the boss man.
"Yes, sir," I say and exaggerate a smile.
"You're the star lady?" he asks. Penny told me that his name is Jack, and that he has a moustache. Indeed he has a moustache, and if you ask me it's rather well-kept. Jack is probably in his mid-thirties and looks like he spends his spare time practising charisma in the mirror.
"I-I am an astrophysicist - some would call me Doctor - but I guess 'star lady' is an appropriate term!" I try cheerfully, and he nods with furrowed brows, as if deep in thought.
"Look, some would tell you that getting this job is easy, but I'm serious about this business, and I'm serious about my career. You know Penny - I'm not keeping her for her good looks, but because she knows how to bring in good tips," he tells me, sounding very serious.
"Oh, really?" I begin. "I heard she was a terrib- I mean, no, yeah, I get that," Why don't I think. "I'm serious too, mr.... Jack. Trust me, I don't see this job as an easy breeze just because I have a Ph.D," I continue, and Jack interrupts.
"Why would you think that? Do you see yourself as superior because of your fancy education?" he shoots back.
"N-no," I say, slightly taken aback. I'm totally blowing this, aren't I. Deep breath. "No, sir. Quite the opposite. I'm amazed at this fast-paced industry. I admire the way you're able to handle customers - trust me, I know how they can be, I have a mother," I say, and a hint of a smile plays on Jack's lips. "I'm entirely knee deep in lack of experience here," I say and stop for a second. "Wow. I'm not exactly making my case here," I look down and shake my head. Jack leans forward.
"Yes, you are, Davenport." I look up. "You have shown that you're humble, cheerful, and eager to please," he says, and I break into a smile. "You can start tomorrow. Penny will train you," he says and pats my shoulder before he leaves. Yes, yes, yes! I haven't felt this excited since... since... well, since I last kissed Raj. Jack seems surprisingly nice. I have a good feeling about this.

I practically jump up the stairs to our floor, knocking wildly at Sheldon's door. As he opens it, I stumble forwards, and Sheldon puts an arm on each of my shoulders, holding me at an acceptable distance. He looks at me sceptically.
"Explain yourself," he says, and so I do.
"I got the job! I got the job! I got the job!" I jump, throwing my arms around, leaving Sheldon standing stiffly, taken aback.
"You're this excited about a job at The Cheesecake Factory?" he asks quizzically, and I sigh happily. I walk up to him and pinch his cheek, to which he adds a panicked sound and an extravagant withdrawal.
"Lucille!" he yells. "Don't you have better things to do?" I stifle a laugh.
"I'm sorry, Sheldon. I'm just excited. And yes, I thought that Penny might be here - have you seen her?" I ask, and he shakes his head.
"No," He looks a little beat. "I asked her if she wanted to play a game of Marco Polo, but she rejected me with a harshness I hadn't expected from her," he says, looking puzzled.
"Doesn't Penny always reject you with harshness?" I ask.
"I guess that's true. But lately we've had some fun adventures together. Something seemed off today," He stares down at his knees, and I catch myself feeling sad for him. Typically men, bringing me down in my hour of success.
"Should I make you a cup of tea?" I ask.
"Nah," he replies. "I'll wallow in my thoughts unaffected just fine. Perhaps I'll try to distract them coming up with a new game only true intellectuals will have a chance of understanding,"
"Am I one of those true intellectuals?" I ask.
"Probably. We'll see," he says, and I nod, heading out the door. On the opposite end of the hall, I let myself in with a smile, before gasping at the sight before my eyes. Penny and Leonard on the couch. Let me suppress this vision.

Taking a walk in the fresh late afternoon air. Came out of Sheldon's apartment and went straight outside. Did not under any circumstances enter me and Penny's. Why would I? I only live there and came home at a totally foreseeable time where one would assume that other one's would be more discreet in what they do and where they do it .... how they do it ... when an apartment is shared. G-ross. When did Leonard get back anyway? Is this why Penny didn't want to play Marco Polo with Sheldon? Of course there could be a number of reasons to explain that. I pull out my phone to call up Raj.
"Hello, beautiful," he says as he picks up. I smile.
"Hey, handsome," I reply, and I feel him smiling on the other end.
"Sooo," he says excitedly. "How was the job interview?"
"I got it!" I say happily, and I hear him squealing.
"I can't believe I get to combine eating - which I love - and seeing you," he says. "It's the next best thing to coming to work and seeing you," I can't help but bite my lip and blush.
"Well don't expect any special treatment, Mr Koothrappali. You'd have to tip me for that," I say.
"I can think of different ways to tip you," he says.
"Mr Koothrappali!" I say, faking offence. He laughs.

An hour or two later. I have to assume it's safe to go back in. As I reach the door, I ponder whether I should let myself in immediately or knock to be sure. I knock. After a few seconds, I turn the door knob, and apparently so does Penny.
"Lucille!" she says with apology in her eyes. "I'm soooo sorry you had to see that. Please tell me you're not moving out or have been scarred for life," she says, and I shudder.
"Scarred for life, definitely. Let's just vow to never speak of it. Seriously. Never." I say as I take off my jacket, about to throw it on the couch, but changing my mind in the last second.
"Gotcha," she says. Leonard comes out from the bathroom.
"Hey, Lucille," he says quietly and scratches a spot behind his ear.
"Leonard," I say, giving a small wave. How very awkward. After a moment, I sigh, forcing myself to relax. "Welcome back," I smile, and he seems relieved. "How was the trip?"
"It was great! I met a lot of new people," he says, and I nod.
"Yeah, I heard you partied it up out there. So why haven't you told Sheldon?" I ask. They look at each other.
"We just wanted a few days to ourselves," Leonard says.
"You know, Sheldon is pretty upset," I say and look at Penny. She bites her lip.
"I know, I blew him off pretty hard earlier... it's just amazing to have a little time to ourselves," she says and hugs Leonard from the side. I guess I understand that. As long as Sheldon doesn't realise I guess.
"But forget about that!" she then bursts out. "You got the job! We're officially colleagues!" she squeals, and I join her.
"I know!" I say. "Wait, how do you know?"
"Oh, I called Jack and begged him to tell me. He loves me," she says, and Leonard's face turns funny.
"Ah-ha!" a voice shouts as the door opens wildly, and in comes Sheldon with Amy at his heels. Well, fuck. All five of us look stunned. "... Leonard?" What follows isn't pretty. Penny tells him to stop barging in here, and Sheldon goes out and knocks on the door thrice times thrice before coming back in. Leonard apologises for not having been honest with Sheldon, who goes on about how much of a burden their friendship is to Leonard.
"There's no need for you to pretend to like me anymore," he says, and Leonard apologises again.
"Come on, I said I was sorry," he says, looking beaten.
"No, no, you save your apologies for after you've had disappointing coitus with Penny," Sheldon retorts. Ugh. Did he have to go there.
"It was fine," Penny says, but after a second her eyes go wide, and she looks to me. "Until... never mind, go on hating Leonard," she says, crossing her arms.
"Come on, this is silly," Leonard says and turns around to fetch something. "Hey, I brought you back a little present from my trip," He reveals a white sailor cap which Sheldon eyes suspiciously. "It's that sailor cap that you wanted. It's neat, huh?" he asks, and we all look to Sheldon in anticipation.
"You honestly think you can buy back my friendship with a cheap souvenir?" he asks.
"I don't. I really don't. Just try it on," Leonard says and puts the cap on Sheldon's head. He motions for us to help him out.
"Hello, sailor," Amy says, and Penny adds to it, saying: "Ohhh, now we're talking!" I cross my arms and begin nodding, looking Sheldon over.
"Damn, Sheldon! You're looking sailorlicious!" and Sheldon eyes me angrily.
"Please stop making up words like that," he says and looks to all of us still making goggly, thirsty eyes at him. Amy is doing best by far, I'd say. But she probably isn't faking it.
"Excuse me!" Sheldon bursts out. "This changes nothing," he says and looks around at us. "Except the Halloween costume I'm wearing this year." He turns to Amy. "Amy, you're going to be Olive Oyl. Lay off the donuts." We all roll our eyes. I'm going to assume he feels better now. After a moment's silence, the door starts to open, not having been closed entirely when Sheldon and Amy burst in.
"I hope I'm not interrupting?" a familiar voice says, and I turn to see my mother.
"Mom?"