Alone In Mind

Words Full Of Nothing

  "Divorce papers." I said softly, looking over the huge stack of papers Josh handed me. "Lu-" he started, "our son dies, and you want to leave me, because i'm a little cold towards you." I say coldly shaking my head. "Lu there is someone else." He says looking away from me. "She- she's pregnant, and about to pop." My eyes water, of course. "Get the fuck out." I say emotionless. Josh just nods, and goes up stairs to pack his things. Some whore gets to have a baby, and have a living baby with him, and of course he leaves. I would leave too. I read the divorce papers, the long pages, just words full of nothing. I sigh, and stand up. I walked to the bedroom, Josh left a few hours ago, I knew he was cheating, it started when he stopped coming home for days. It's been almost a year since I lost the baby. I have no feelings anymore, barely anything. The bedroom is cold, it doesn't feel like a place I once loved. I loved my bedroom, it has a large king sized bed, it was black and white themed. I didn't just love it for the look, I loved it because I could cuddle with the man I loved. The word love is becoming past tense more and more now a days. I'm 23 years old, and I lost a child, lost a husband, and lost my hope. I walk into my closet, seeing Josh's side empty. I remember unpacking our boxes when we moved in, and Josh and I laughing and putting our clothes away. He would hold my waist, and kiss my cheek as I put up all my dresses, because he finished unpacking before me. I walked out of the closet, slamming the closet door. Sighing, I sat on my bed. I barely slept in this bed anymore. I mostly slept in the baby room,  somehow it made me feel closer to my son. I remember how Josh and I made love for the first time in this bed. Now this bed disgusts me. I stood up, and for the first time In a long time I felt something. Anger. I yelled curses, and I paced around the room, I even grabbed a pair of scissors and ripped up the bed, the room looked like a angry cat got a hold of it. I ran out of the room, and down to the baby room, then slammed the door, locking it shut, I cuddled into my knees, hearing loud memories, Like when I told Josh I was pregnant, he freaked out, and held me so tight, he was even crying. The sound of my son's heartbeat. It filled my ears, I couldn't get it out, I started banging my head into the wall, screaming. It wouldn't stop, the pain filled me, I was drowning, I was angry, I was- I was scared. I guess the banging Knocked me out, because I woke up cold, on the floor of the baby room. I sat up a little hissing in pain, I looked behind me, and the white wall had a big red splash on it, My head was bleeding. I reached back gasping out in pain when my hand touched the warm liquid, groaning I stood up, and called my mother, who was very upset when she showed up, I lied to her and told her I Fell down the stairs and banged my head. She fixed me up, since she was a nurse. I just sat on the bathroom counter not paying any attention to her words. "-ucy, Lucy!" my head snapped up and I looked at her. "What?" I said coldly. "I think we should go to the hospital, you need stitches." She said softly, still bandging my head up. "I'm fine." I looked at my hands. "No you aren't Lucy, please talk to me." I sighed "I am talking to you mother." I said harshly, pushing her away as I jumped off the counter. "I mean tell me what is on your mind Lucy." She grabbed onto my arm, I could hear her voice cracking. "Josh left." I whispered out. "What? when?" she gasped out, her hand going from my arm, to my own hand. I flinched, and tugged my hand away fast. "Last night, he packed all his shit up and left, to his new pregnant girlfriend." I said emotionless, as I walked away. My mother made us dinner, I said nothing as I ate my food, she talked about work, and some bitch nurse. I wasn't focusing on anything she said, I just kept moving things around my plate, after we finished, she washed the plates, and left. I didn't say goodbye,  or I love you. I laid on the floor of the baby room, looking up at the ceiling, my son would be able to walk by now. He would be able to talk. He would giggle, and I would be able to hold him. I rolled onto my side, sobbing myself to sleep, as I normally did. I don't know what I would have named my son. I thought of names as I drifted off into sleep. 

I woke to the sound of a loud knock, groaning a stood up, I had a killer headache, but I didn't care. I walked down the stairs, as the knocking kept going. I opened the door, to a very pregnant redhead, she had bright green eyes, that were puffy right now, she looked as if she was crying. She wore a long white maxi dress, with baby blue flowers. "Can I help you?" I asked confused. "I-I'm sorry." She whispered out, I must have looked more confused, because she looked up at me then said it again. "Sorry for?" I asked running my hand through my long silky brown hair. "Stealing your- your husband." She said starting to sob, her red hair falling in her face, she was a very pretty girl. "Oh you're the girl he knocked up, look I'm guessing this is your first time, meeting the man you slept with wife, but i'm pretty sure you aren't supposed go meet them head on." I said emotionless, like always. "I-I know b-but I had no idea Josh had a wife, and I feel disgusting and- and-" she sobbed so hard I could barely understand her. "Would you like to come in for something to eat?" I asked softly. She just nodded and I let her in.