Something Fishy

Chapter 14: A Bicycle Built For Lake Trout

"Welcome to the 379th Annual Troutface Trout-Catching Tournament!" The annoying carnival music halted and the voice of Gunter Fish, the town mayor, filled the air. I'm pretty sure they just elected him because of his name, because the only time he ever does anything even remotely mayor-ish is during this very event. Not to say that announcing the beginning of the trout-catching tournament isn't an honor. The only higher honor is winning the tournament. "Let's catch some trout!"

     As we watched, crowds of people flocked to the riverbank and cast their lines into the water.

    And waited.

    And waited.

    After about half an hour, the mayor made a follow-up announcement. "Be patient, my people! The fish will bite! Probably! To address the worries of some of you folks, the water level is probably just rising because of perspiritation, which is a very normal part of the water cycle."

     Perspiritation? I was pretty sure that wasn't a word. Scratch that, I was positive that was not a word. However, it did not seem that the citizens of Troutface were aware of this, for they nodded amongst themselves and continued to fish.

     After another hour had gone by, I found myself marveling at the patience (or, perhaps, pigheadedness) of Troutfacers. They looked more or less as excited as they had when they first started. The river, however, was looking notably higher. In fact – could it be? – the river seemed to be kind of...overflowing. This observation was confirmed a moment later when someone screamed, "THE RIVER IS OVERFLOWING!"

     And that was when pandemonium descended from above like a springtime rain shower. Though, actually, it wasn't anything like a springtime rain shower, because everyone was running in circles and screaming, and that only happened when it snowed. (We don't get much snow here.)

      "That's funny," I said.

      "Actually, I was going to say it's really kind of sad." I followed his gaze and saw a man climbing up one of the many trout statues along the riverside and sitting atop it, continuing to fish.

      "Not him. I mean the fact that the river is overflowing."

      "Wasn't that the plan?" He stared at me, incredulous.

      "Of course not. The plan was to just siphon the fish into a container. Which, of course, would mean the water levels would go down slightly. I'm no potamologist, but if part of a river is drained away, why is the water level rising?" The fact that this had only just dawned on me made me feel kind of stupid.

        "Excuse me, gentlemen!"

       The Boss and I turned around at the exact same time. I couldn't help imagining how awesome it would have been if we'd both had capes. Then I realized that I had just responded to being addressed as a 'gentleman' and sighed deeply.

     "Hey, Bud," I said. "Hey Georgiabelle," I said to the girl sitting on his shoulders. "Guys, this is my business associate. His name is, um –"

     "The Boss," said The Boss, very un-clandestinely. "It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance."

     "My what?" said Bud, glancing over his shoulder.

     "What do you want?" It came out harsher than I intended, but I wasn't exactly having a great day, what with the whole being-forced-to-work-for-a-crazy-man-while-my-friends-and-uncle-are-in-a-dungeon-somewhere thing. The flooding of the river was simply the moldy cherry on top of the melted ice cream cone of my day.

     "Well, I was wondering if we could borrow this here ice cream truck of yours. You see, there's a bit of a problem downstream –"

     "What kind of problem?" My heart metaphorically skipped a beat.