I was told that in Northern Nigeria, back in the days, whenever a woman complains to her family about being mistreated by her husband, she is scolded and asked to go back and deal with it. If she refuses, she is somewhat frustrated in an unwelcome kind of way at her family home (or a relative's place) to make her feel that her marital home is better for her. Why? Because they say, "a woman's worth is her husband's house". The stigma was so bad that families were advised not to marry from families with divorced daughters, especially when on their terms. Even today, for a woman to ask for divorce is frowned upon.
Apart from the gruesome custody battle (which men have the upper hand because they say, "for a child his father's house is best"), society has completely ignored the woman's personal struggle. She has to deal with the misery of a bad marriage, the depression during the divorce, and the malicious gossips after the divorce. Whether he is physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive, they say, "she wasn't patient enough".
After all, other women go through similar or worse things. If she was told about how other women suffer in their own marriages, she would appreciate her own suffering. To many, it is logical. [long pause]. They say, "Every wife has marital problems." Ironically a wife is expected to be the stronger spouse despite being regarded as the weaker spouse.
It is almost always the woman's fault. If he hits her, the first question they ask, "What did she do to provoke him?" If he insults her, "She must have annoyed him". In fact, there is the general advice where they say, "Since you know he hits, don't make him angry again." If he is unfaithful, the infamous phrase, "Well, he is a man and no man is faithful" pops up and the blame-her game starts when they say, "She's not good enough", "She lacks this or that", "She pushed him away", "She does not keep him happy", or the hella irritating, "He has the choice of three more wives". I do not understand how "chasing skirts for cheap thrill" is confused with "courtship for marriage". (Neman aure daban, Neman mata daban)...
