the untold truths of a quiet person

being aware

So you become very self aware of your mind when you're so often in it( which I will get into a lil later), however you also become maybe too conscious  of your body as well. Let me give you an example.

Oh gosh I'm standing in the lunch line again, time to initiate...Awkward Pose Mode. First the head. Okay facing facing front, shouldn't be a problem, it's supposed to be a line anyways. Huh that guy has a little mole on the back of their neck. Eh okay. Wait, does it look like I'm staring at the little mole? It might appear rude if I seems like I'm just staring at the thing. I should probably look away from it now, sense I've been looking at it the whole time I've been thinking. Sigh. Turning head now. Ahh a menu. Nice. I'm so casual looking at this menu. Ha. What's next? Arms/ floppy torso noodles. Oh no they've been doing the worst position ever for the whole time, the side to side hang. How could I've made such a foolish mistake, done such an awkward pose that it is deemed too awkward for awkward pose mode?! I can redeem myself though. Turning on criss-cross arms! Yes, I am totally nailing the mysterious closed off cool kid stereotype. Just one last step, the feet. I'm doing so well that I'm going to take it to the next level! Next level: double criss-cross. Swing the foot across right here and... I just kicked the little mole guy didn't I? How did I not realize I was looking at his mole again? Uh awkward smile mode?

I'm not even sure how much this was even exaggerated. Not all quiet people are like this, but I sure am. When you don't have anything to exactly have your eyes at or be having in your hand, you get lost in what to do. I used to hope a song would end sooner on my iPod so I could put my eyes somewhere, change the song slowly so even for a small moment I could be actively doing something. You're expected to act 'natural' which is being in some kind of position and looking around. My natural would probably be looking front (maybe at a little mole) and hanging my arms at my sides, just thinking. So it's actually very difficult to just be in your head in public. Even if you are in a different world behind your eyes, your body does't go with you and it is left there for other eyes to look upon or judge. "What are they doing?" "They look kinda weird." "Are they okay?"

That's why walking home alone is the best.

Author's note: What times do you feel awkward?