the untold truths of a quiet person

The Need to be Different

I'm quiet, but I'm not that one edgy, but charismatic guy that secretly has a dysfunctional family that's left him distrusting of people. I'm not that superhuman genius nerd who has no time to waste on people in his pursuit to take over the world. I'm not that shy, yet humble girl with a talent like no other and a goodness to her that divides her from her self-centered peers. 

I'm just me. I'm just normal. However, in this generation where everyone feels that need to be a 'main character,' I don't want to say I'm normal.

That tik tok trend is fairly fresh I would say, but this feeling has been with me since elementary school. 

We're kinda going full circle from the first chapter of this book. Hehe that's fun, but anyways you didn't need tik tok to enforce this 'main character' shtick on ya growing up when you had movies that gave you your only exposure to quiet people. Introverts make up half the population yet somehow in every one of my classes till high school there would only be one to two people like me. So I only had Bella from "Twilight" to relate to as a kid. 

More reserved people were always portrayed to have some kind of secret in cinemas. I'm literally writing a book about myself here so I'll leave that box unchecked. 

Next on the list, let's see, they always need to have some feature about themselves that divides them from everyone else. Well I had a slightly larger than average barbie doll house in third grade and Bella had a dang vampire boyfriend with a werewolf on the side. Okay close call...I'll be nice though and give that one to Bella.

Other kids could just talk, make friends and be fine. I, on the other hand, felt that sense I couldn't do that I had to be mentally occupied with something much more important and totally beyond what my classmates could understand. (oh geez)

During recess we could play, but the secret option was that you could wait on the dot on the blacktop where out class is supposed to meet when recess was over until lunch. I was the only one who choose the second option usually. I rationalized it in my tiny brain that I'm too mature to play or that I'm only doing this so I can be first in line to get my food. 

It's weird looking back on that memory as an 18 year old because I don't really view that memory through myself. I see it as I'm hearing what a child is feeling, if that make sense, but my logic tends to fail on that. Viewing that as reflecting on my life, I feel like that was a typical occurrence, but through the eyes of a different person, I feel bad for that munchkin. Munchkins are supposed to have fun and dwell only in fun munchkin things, not rationalize their munchkin identity and existence. I didn't stand on the dot for all of my primary learning. I had friends to play with later on so my munchkin self could go on being a munchkin. Yay.

Another incident happened in P.E.( still in elementary school, but I promise we'll crank it right up to high school in a little bit.) We were spread out across the blacktop awaiting for further instruction. I didn't have a friend nearby to talk to or a flip phone to pull out so I thought that I had to look deep in contemplation to appear cool and not lonely amongst my peers. I looked up and stared at the clouds oddly intensely. I was actually trying to see the curve of the sky which I don't know if that is possible, but I think you somewhat can.(or I sound really freaking stupid as a young adult.) These two girls laughed and mocked me so my movies' guidelines to being a wallflower had failed me and it would fail me many times more throughout schooling because I somehow till this day didn't learn how incredibly idiotic that logic is. Which you'll have to hear about that in the next chapter. ;D