Fawn Urie

Sophomore Year Has Me Stressed AF So Sorry For Slow Updates

Fawn

So here I was, a little less than a week until tour started, at 3 am, watching an old video of my brother's off of YouTube while Laine laid on the floor on top of a bunch of pillows.

It had been about 3 months since Brendon and Sarah adopted me and somehow nothing has been announced about me at all. At this time I would of at least suspected something was up, looking at it from a mega fan point of view. I'm not saying there hasn't been rumours going around, seeing as neither Sarah or Brendon has posted much since I've come into their lives. I did post a lot of daily pictures or random videos without me to my Twitter. A lot of people tweet me asking me who the hell I am and where I'm getting all the pictures from. I kind of always laugh at them.

Anyways, back to me crying at 3am.

I really did miss him, my brother. His name was Josh , he's exactly 10 years older than I am. I know he always wanted to be in a band.

I smiled at the video as a four year old me held up a water hose. It wasn't on but I had a look of mechief on my face as Josh chased me across the yard.

I sighed and went to scroll through the comments. There was only a few, most from who I think was our grandma. I clicked back on Josh's channel. It had been named JoshAndLittleDeer. I grinned and went to the most recent video, seeing a much older Josh.

I-I thought he died. Or is this some weird hallucination my brain conjures up because it's 3 am and I haven't slept? That can't actually be Josh, can it?!

I tried to keep my breathing calm and my eyes clear as I clicked on the video. It was titled 'Dear Little Deer'.

I let out an annoyed sigh as an unskipable ad played out.

When it finally finished, the video started out. The older Josh was sat in front of a desk. His hair was now black and purple and he had one of his eyebrows pierced along with lip piercings and what looked like some type of tattoo on his neck. He was wearing a Panic! shirt that looked too small and had a few holes and tears.

He smiled softly as he looked at the camera.

"So uh, I'd like to start off with saying that this isn't going to be like any of my other videos. I also know I haven't really posted that often... for the very few of you here, if you remember, I used to have a little sister in most of my videos... well I'm sort of making this video for her. So Fawn, if you somehow came across our little channel again, I'm alive. Alive and well. I uh, I finally started that band I always told you about."

He let out a sad, soft chuckle and I found myself grinning a little bit. I had to wipe my eyes again as the video went on.

"I just want you to know what really happened, with the fire and everything. I wish I could explain but I'd have to do it in person. You know what? Do me a favor, little deer. If you're  ever in Las Vegas, Go to the South Premium Shopping Outlets mall and find Spencer's. You should find me."

My heart beat began pounding faster and my head started whirling. I hurriedly sat up and turned on the light, earning a mumbled groan from Laine as I scoured my room for any notebook and pen or pencil. After finding success I wrote done the name of the mall and rushed down the hall, pounding on Brendon and Sarah's door. There was some mumbling as I bounced on my toes, grinning widely while being out of breathe because oof running.

The door swung open to a tired Brendon wearing only his boxers.... welp no time to dwell on it.

I shoved to paper towards him and grinned widely.

"I found him. Brendon, I found Josh, I found my brother. This whole time I thought he was dead and it was my fault, but he's not dead, and he wants to talk to me and he's here in Las Vegas, I need to see him, ple-"

I was cut off as Brendon held up his hand, signalling for me to calm down. After quite a few minutes of him not saying anything, I started doubting he would take me. And like that, I felt Josh slipping from finger yet again..

"You still need more stage clothes right?"

I brought my eyebrows closer in confusion before it hit me.

"I take this as a 'we'll go surprise him tommorow', am I correct?"

Brendon grinned and I let out a squeal of joy. I leap at him to hug him, causing him to almost fall and laughing, wrapping his arms around me as Sarah joined.

"Woah, an affection party happening without me? Rude"

I laughed as Laine joined too.

I was super happy.

I was finally going to see my brother again after so many years of believing that my only family left was dead. Years of believing and dealing with the fact that I was all I had left.

I was finally going to be okay again. For a little while, at least.

I would finally be able to hug my brother again and not have it just be a faint memory that brought nothing but tears and grief. I get to make fun of his weird birthmark like I did when I was a kid.

And for the first time in a while, I didn't feel so alone and unwanted.

Tommorow was going to be the start of the most amazing time of life.

And it was all thanks to some 3 am YouTube scrolling.

a/n : yes I'm a sophomore in high school and I started this story at the begging of my freshmen year. Leave me alone, I take forever for everything and I constantly seem to have homework or projects or other shit to deal with. This year has also been going by way too fast for my liking so I'm sorta overwhelmed and stressed out but it's okay bc I hid it with memes *Pete Wentz screaming in the distance*