It Happened To Me

*This actually happened to me. I will not lie or try in any way to make this better or worse than what it was. A lot of worse things have happened to people and even a lot less. It doesn't make it more or less repulsive. This being taken from my mind when I was 16 also means that I might have thought, felt, looked different than what others did, obviously.

*I changed the names to protect certain people.

*This is graphic and sometimes hard for others to stomach. I urge everybody to read it but understand if you cannot. Please be cautious and careful.

Chapter 1-Background

   Let us start with my background. I was a 15 yr old girl that wanted to be pretty, cool, and smart. I saw various members of my family go through rough patches in life and made my everyday decisions to avoid some of those mistakes. In my eyes, I was not pretty, or cool. But I knew I was smart. I was an A student, took AP classes sometimes and did well. I was a member of a couple of school clubs; Spanish, National Honor Society, etc. I even took some college classes while in high school. I also kept a part time job from 15 yrs old all the way through high school. I looked at myself like I sucked in life but knew that I actually wasn't that bad, I was just pessimistic.

    I liked older, more mature guys, so I would casually date a few random boys and then dump them when they asked me to put out. I wanted to stay a virgin. I actually liked the fact that I was about the only one in my school that could claim that. I also heard, a lot, that I was a liar. "No one that walks around like you do and acts like you do, could be a virgin." That is what I heard. And I was proud of it. I had a couple of older brothers, the one closest in age to me made a habit of warning off and purposely scaring any boys I liked, so I didn't have too many boyfriends.

   My mom was the best mom in the world, but she shied away from talking to me about the girly stuff. She tried to protect me, and she did. I cannot in any way blame her for the things I went through. (Although now that she knows about them, she blames herself.) I had a lot of guys that were my friends, we did everything together. I had one girl friend but the rest were guys. I talked like a guy and we acted like guys. I wasn't allowed to actually date, so everything I did to experiment, was done secretly. I thought it was all so clandestine and sneaky. I used to sneak out and go walking everywhere. I used to spend the night at my girl friend's house and we would call a boy and have him come over. We were so innocent that we had no idea that we were teasing boys. We didn't know how randy boys were or that we were just asking for trouble.

   I even had a guy friend that was a notorious slut, beg me to just let him come over. He begged me to just let him teach me all I needed to know. See, I also didn't know that guys think it's a turn on to be a virgin. I was tempted, believe me, but I didn't want some crazy disease. Deep down, I just wanted every girl's fantasy, I wanted love.

   So I had a certain determined quality to make sure that if I ever really wanted something, I made sure I got it. I'm not talking about being spoiled, we were pretty broke all our lives. I'm talking about, if I wanted the best essay in a certain class, I made sure I did everything perfect. If I wanted someones shirt, I made sure I traded everything to get it. If I wanted a certain guy, I moved hell or high water, to make him like me. Now this only happened once or twice. Unfortunately, I wanted him. Let's call him Mark.

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For those of you that need it.

Please bare with me, it isn't easy to relive this. I assume it will be a couple chapters long. Thank you for reading and passing along.