It Happened To Me

Chapter 6

Chapter 6-Epiphany

     As I stared at the cross and the necklace in my hand, I realized that I was an idiot. God didn't want me in an abusive relationship. God wouldn't want me with somebody that made me so unhappy just because of sex. God...had nothing to do with any of it and I needed to realize that I was the one letting the rest of this happen to me by thinking that God wanted it of me.

    Epiphany reached. I smiled and went back in my bedroom. I layed under the covers with his sleeping body next to mine. I thought about how my parents and brother never knew what happened in this room. I thought about how I wanted to die so many times, how I wanted to just run my car off a bridge or drown myself in water. How I wanted to just stop breathing, because anything is better than this. Death, is much better than this life. The only reason I didn't do any of those things, is because I thought I would go to hell it I commit suicide.

    I then realized the irony. I let all this happen to me because of what I thought God would do. Then I saved myself by not committing suicide because of what I thought God would do. Laying there, in the dark, holding my necklace and listening to his breathing, I came to a conclusion. God is in my heart. If it feels like it is right. If it feels like Jesus Christ is standing next to me, and this is what he would advise me to do. Then maybe then, it could be the correct thing to do. I realized that I let my family and my church tell me what God wants with me.

    I held up the necklace in front of my eyes once more and smiled again. Well, this is God telling me exactly how he feels about that. The next morning, I packed all of his belongings in boxes and stored them in our back room. Another week passed and he called me from his base. I told him that I don't want to be with him and he doesn't need to call me or see me ever again. He yelled and called me names. He put his 'real girlfriend' on the phone and she laughed at me telling me that all they ever did was make fun of me behind my back. My pride was hurt, but I knew all this anyway. I told her that he had problems and to be careful. Then I hung up the phone.

     I gave all of his stuff to his sister (By the way, I went to high school with her) and refused to take his calls. Remember his friend from the beginning? Dom? Well, Dom wanted to work where I was working and I got him the job. We hung out all the time and I used my new found knowledge (and cynicism) to judge him based off of how he really was, and not how he wanted others to see him. Dom wasn't anything like Mark. He helped me get through this time of my life and we started dating a month later. I ended up telling him a little of what happened, he was the first person I ever told. Oddly enough, we got married that year. Everyone said we were making a big mistake, he was a rebound, and we were too young. All valid points, but I now saw people as they really were. And Dom is perfect for me.

     Dom and I just celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary. We are still best friends and still love each other very much.

    I do not regret what I went through in that time of my life. Every thing I experienced made me the strong person I am today. I learned that my mom, grandma, and just about every other female I know have been molested in some way. I even found out, some years later, that Mark married the girl I talked to that night. A few months later, she divorced him saying that he beat her. His story was that he woke up to her beating him. It sounds familiar to me. I remember that a few times in the beginning of our very fucked up relationship, that I told him the next day some of the things he did to me, but he always got real mad and said that I was lying, he would never do that sort of thing.

   My one and only regret is that I heard he did the very same thing to another girl a couple years ago. I regret not trying to do something to him. At least trying to get a police report written, something. Maybe, if he was labeled a sex offender, he wouldn't have had a chance to do that again. I don't regret what I went through. I just regret not doing anything to help those that had to go through it again.

   If I had to go through it all again, right now. I would, only to prevent this cycle from continuing. That is why I chose to write this. I cannot change the past, but I am hoping to rest as many as I can. I am hoping to give my knowledge to someone, anyone, so you can avoid making the same mistakes I did. Please, have your moms read this, have your sisters read this, your brothers. Let them know that it is more common than you think. The only way to fight this, is with knowledge. Do not make the same mistake my mother did. Educate your children about what length some boys will go through for sex. That way girls can know what situations to never put themselves in.

*If you have any questions, or want to talk...I am here. Please share with everybody. Help me to make a difference.