Elizabeth- a Jamie Lannister fanfic

Conversations dryer than dorne

"You know what I miss? Having a nice bath with a bath bomb, playing some classical music, lathering my hair with conditioner, putting on a face mask and doing a full body moisturise. I also miss Spotify because I honestly had so many playlists, like I had a classical one filled with theme music, you know your 'duh duh duh duh doom do duhhhhh doo do do do do'" she says, trying to replicate the sound of the game of thrones theme tune. "No, that's not quite right, anyways, then I had my pop songs playlist. Then I had my one direction one to listen to when I was feeling nostalgic. Then I had my sad playlist full of emo songs like panic! At the disco and lana del ray to listen to while I was bawling my eyes out over a test the next day that didn't actually matter but felt like it did. I also miss instant noodles."

Both Ivor and eamon realised pretty quickly that Liz is quite strange and uses lots of words they don't know about so they just nod along to what she says while they ride through the streets of Kings landing. She rides only slightly in front of  eamon and Ivor and they have having their horses tied to two other horses that have sylvestor and Deborah on one and Gertrude on the other in cages.  A lot of people are staring at them with their mouths agape. Two gold cloaks walk towards them.

"Lady elizabeth, we are here to escort you to the red keep" one of them says.

"Coolio" Liz replies and they keep going in the direction they were already going in only person a bit slower since the gold cloaks were walking. Finally they go through the gates of the red keep and she gets of her horse, yawning loudly and going to see if her dragons are alright. "Hello gertie, come on out syl. How are you Debbie?" She rubs them all on the head after letting them out.

"My lady, I am to escort you to your chambers where a bath awaits. I am to be your handmaiden. My name is Bernadette" a woman with long brown hair says.

"Ok, thank you, I'm elizabeth but most people call me Liz" Liz replies awkwardly and follows Bernadette through a series of corridors and halls which finally lead to a door that looks like pretty much all of the others. Inside there is a lot of Lannister red everywhere to remind you that the queen is a Lannister.

"Your trunk will arrive soon" Bernadette says just as there is a knock on the door and in comes the trunk. Once the men who delivered it are gone Liz slips into the bath and sighs really loudly while Bernadette begins to take out all her clothes and organise them. "What would you like to wear when meeting the King later?"

"Uhhh, what should I wear? I don't have anything fancy, only two dresses. all my clothes are more practical than fit for court. Oh I know, that leather tunic, then those trousers and that cream shirt with the billowing sleeves. Yeah?" Elizabeth decides but Bernadette doesn't look convinced. "I mean, they only want to see my children so what I look like shouldn't matter too much, and sure I will probably be headed back to winterfell soon enough once they have seen gertie, syl and Debbie"

"I think you should probably go with one of the dresses" Bernadette says and holds up one of them, it is very plain so she puts it back down and picks up the other one which has a tiny bit of failed embroidery on it. "Is this all you have?"

"Yeah, I don't usually wear dresses although I like them but I just find them kinda annoying sometimes. However whenever I wear one I feel like I'm in some sort of Jane Austen novel on my way to dine with the Bingleys at netherfield park with my petticoat 'six inches deep in mud, I'm absolutely certain.'" She says the last bit in Caroline Bingleys posh voice. "This bath is nice, I like baths. My hair is all grimy, I miss shampoo and conditioner, I don't think I'll ever really get used to having to do all the brushing to keep it clean. No such thing as a quick five minute shower and getting the hair dryer before doing an elaborate face regime that claims to make your skin look like that of a goddess. How long do we have until that thing begins?"