Glazed Eyes, Empty Hearts ➳ Spideypool

1➳Wild

You make my heart shake bend and break
But I can't turn away
And it's driving me wild

*

"Hey, Peter," Gwen says, smiling softly at me. She knows the importance of the date, knows the sadness I'll carry with me throughout the day until I can expel the emotions through patrol.

I nod in response, stuffing my backpack inside my locker. I shouldn't have come to school, but school is better than home.

Gwen doesn't say anything to me as I take my time pulling out my books and pencils for the day.

Once I'm done, she gives me a confident smile, takes my hand and leads me towards our first class.

The thoughts make me heavy and lethargic, forcing myself to continue through the day, more for Gwen's sake than my own.

I space out for most of the morning, ignoring classes and everyone around me. My brain's mostly shut down, leaving me to simply follow Gwen as she leads me by the hand through all my classes.

And then it's lunch.

"Hey, Pete. I know you're not hungry, but you have to eat something, okay?" Gwen says, voice soft and snapping me back to reality at the hand on my arm, refusing to flinch at the pressure on one of my many bruises.

I nod and lift my head from my arms, blinking away the black spots dancing across my vision. I don't want to make Gwen disappointed, plus I haven't eaten in over 24 hours.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks quietly, pushing the tray of food towards me. A sandwich, an apple, a cookie, and a juice box.

I reach for the juice box, shaking my head silently.

She pushes a stray piece of hair behind her ear and sighs. "It might make you feel better to talk about it. It's been a year, Peter, and I still don't think you've been dealing with your emotions at all."

I roll my eyes in annoyance. She doesn't get it. She'll never get it. I have dealt with it, pushed it all under the rug and lit the rug on fire inside my mind.

It's been 1 year since May died.

I've learned how to deal with grief after losing both my parents, uncle Ben, and now May. I get it. I'm fine.

I ignore Gwen's concerned stare and focus on drinking my juice, knowing I probably look like a mess. Red-rimmed, empty eyes, dark circles under them, a dark purple bruise on my jaw, messy hair, an overused heavy hoodie, and sucking on a small juice box of apple juice.

"Please, Peter? Even just talking about something might make you feel better," Gwen begs, tucking another strand of blond hair behind her ear.

I look up, pushing up my glasses with a frown. "I don't want to feel better, Gwen. I just want to grieve and be sad in peace. Please. I'll be back to normal tomorrow, okay?"

She sighs again, "May wouldn't want you to do this."

"She also wouldn't want me to pretend I'm fine," i point out, tossing my empty juice box at her and hating myself for laughing when it hits her square in the forehead.

*

Hours later, I'm headed home.

And I'm filled with undeniable dread. The last thing I want is to go home, but the internship is going to be postponed until 6 because Mister Stark has meetings to go to. Which also means Patrol is pushed back even further.

I get back to the apartment at exactly 3:30, knowing any later would make this even worse than it already will be.

Jason Everett.