"One of my favorite things to do is flip through the lingerie section of catalogs and pick which sets I would want to lose my virginity in."
My fingers stop, mid-page flip. "That's the most you thing I've ever heard you say."
"I know!" Michelle rolls onto her back, taking the huge Sears catalog with her. Then she looks away for a moment, making eye contact with me. "I think it might happen soon."
"Losing your virginity?"
"With Billy."
That makes me laugh out loud. Really, really hard.
"Hey! It's not funny, Chas. This is very serious!"
"I never said it wasn't!" Oh my god. This is gold.
"So stop it! I really like him. I want to do it with him. You can support me or not; either way it's happening." Michelle shugs her shoulders at me, all confident.
"Billy smokes cigarettes behind the gym at six in the morning. All his tattoos were done in a basement somewhere, and every time we see him leaving P.E. he's got hair dye stains on his face from it bleeding. Michelle, Billy is not going to give you the perfect sex encounter we both know you want."
He's what we call a burnout. He likes the sex pistols and drinks vodka out of a water bottle and I'm pretty sure he's failing all his classes. I try to forget about Michelle's occasional rendezvous with him and her crush for him. I've only spoken to him three times, which I'm thankful for. He scares me.
And regardless of it all, Michelle practically loves him.
If Michael knew, he would have a fucking heart attack.
"You don't even know the full story of when we almost did it! It was so great, Chasity. He let me-"
"Stop! Stop it! I have virgin ears." My hands clamp over the sides of my head tightly.
Michelle glares at me. "Oh, shut up! I know that you're dying to have sex!"
My jaw drops at her accusation. "Am not!"
"It's written all over your face, don't even try to play it off. I see how you zone out all the time. You're thinking about sex. But with who, is what I'm wondering," She says all mysteriously, wagging her eyebrows.
I roll my eyes. If only she knew.
If only she knew that when I zone out, I'm not thinking about sex.
I'm thinking about my feelings for Axl Rose, and how beyond fucked I truly am.
I had a full-on breakdown while prom shopping last weekend. The tears wouldn't stop in the dressing room, I still had on a god awful dress and everything. At first, I thought I was crying because I just didn't want to go to prom and deal with anything that goes with it, like dress shopping.
Then I realized that I didn't want to go to prom because I can't go with Axl.
And when my subconscious whispered those words that made me sob, I really knew I was in too deep.
I have a crush on Axl.
A big, huge, crush.
My only saving grace is that Guns N' Roses have been on a tour of the West Coast for two weeks, meaning Axl hasn't been around for me to cry over him any more than I already have been.
It's weird, because for a split second in that dressing room, I felt relieved. Like I finally understood where I stand with Axl. Then I happened to remember all the details.
