Friend, Please (twenty one pilots)

Nineteen

Spring. The air was a little bit cleaner. It felt good to breathe in and out, the fire in my lungs still crackling away from the past few months and their excitement. Windows were able to be opened without the chilling cold chomping away at our bodies and the days were slowly getting longer. I liked this part of the year because it felt fresh. It felt as if I could start again if I needed to.

Josh and I had put some money together to buy some t-shirts to sell, our first being given to Mark as a gift. More late night conversations between him and I lead to us understanding each other more. Our hopes and dreams and Mark's goal. We had made a deal. As soon as we started making money, we would pay him. He would always be the first we paid, even if we didn't get any money ourselves. Mark was invaluable to us and we were so grateful for all the free work he had been doing with us.

Today, I needed a break. Not because anything was bad, but I just felt that need for quiet. My brain had been so busy, which was good, but to the point where I felt overwhelmed. There were things out of my control and the pace of things was picking up. I needed a moment to stop and breathe. So that's what I did. I picked up my pencil, notepad and jumper before heading out the door. Josh was visiting his family and Mark was hard at work with some of our videos, so my legs took me to the one place I liked to sit and feel.

I looked across the park and headed straight for the trees. A place where I used to go when I was younger and become mesmerised with the colours, sounds, smells and textures. As I reached the outskirts of the trees, I paused and closed my eyes. I took in a deep breath and savoured every last bit, the lingering damp smell dancing around my nostrils and seeping onto my tongue. The ground was still a little wet from the shower earlier, but it made everything more intense and noticeable.

Opening my eyes, I stepped forward and headed straight. A few minutes of walking told me I was alone, the exit long gone and the busy city behind me. This is what I liked. Rather a large tree struck my interest as I walked a little closer, my hand reaching out and tracing the bumps of life it had on the bark. Scratches. Etches. Moss. Life that had been quietly living here for years, maybe even decades. I was alone with nature and I wondered if everything was as it seems.

Perching on the floor with my back against the bark, I looked around. Trunks sprouted up in random places creating a maze of trees, a playground for a deer or rabbit. Beautiful rays of the sun weaved through where it could, casting shadows on everything in the way. It was silent. There was nothing. White noise, the occasional bird call and the sound of my own heartbeat. I tilted my head back, looking up to the layer of branches and leaves protecting the forest.

"I know where you stand." I began to recite from nowhere. "Silent in the trees... and that's where I am, silent in the trees."

I scribbled down the words into my notebook, making sure I got every letter right. My eyes stuck to the page as I opened my mouth again to the tuneless words.

"Why won't you speak, where I happen to be?" I spoke, softer this time. "Silent in the trees, standing cowardly."

I paused my thinking, the words noted down and safe. Deciding it would be better, I pulled out my phone and brought up the recording app. After pressing record, I shoved it into my back pocket and stood up. Notepad on the floor, I took off my jumper. Then my shirt. It sounds weird, but I needed to feel the forest. I needed to know that I was alive.

Goosebumps prickled my skin, my eyes closing and another breath being drawn in. I focused on my body and how I felt. What could I feel? How did the forest make me feel? Was I alone?

"I can feel your breath... I can feel my death. I want to know you, I want to see... I want to say..."

What would I say? I had so many questions for where my brain was going and what it wanted to do. I almost felt this whoosh of air glide over my bare skin and I hoped deep down that it wasn't my imagination. I didn't want to be alone in this forest.

"Hello."

It was simple. Sometimes, when your mind could take in words, it didn't take a lot of them to create something beautiful and meaningful. Yes, sometimes it took a lot of them and that's not a bad thing. But in some cases all you need if a few of them. I think this was one of them moments. Before I headed back to civilisation, I imagined what this would be like in front of a crowd. A crowd full of people who looked to us for guidance. Hundreds, thousands of people wanting to join our clique.

I imagined this song being played slowly to begin with; just me and the keyboard. Green. Dark greens, light ones and tones which blended them together. Then, in a simple beat, Josh can turn the whole song around and make it into a celebration. A celebration that we both made it to another show.

The idea of this grew in my mind as I took myself home again. A smile remained on my face as I clicked the door shut and immediately sat at my piano, pressing down and making a string of chords which I felt fit the words.

"You can close your eyes if you want to." I mumbled, smiling to myself and talking to nobody.

I was lost in creation.