Friend, Please (twenty one pilots)

Twenty One

"Try that one more time."

From playing shows and getting our name out there, we actually managed to raise some money. With that money, after paying Mark, we bought ourselves some recording equipment to really start taking that step forward.

I liked the privacy of writing sometimes. How words that found their way onto your paper stayed there for your eyes only. But today I was having to face that fear of sharing words with others. It was just me and Josh and he had heard my lyrics before, but recording them and playing them back... I'm not sure I could wrap my head around that.

"That's good, I think we should keep that." Josh said, nodding his head to the beat while we played back the bass line.

My finger tips stroked the bass strings, the low buzz radiating through the speakers as we played around with different notes. This one we had stumbled upon really worked. With what, I wasn't sure. I just knew that it worked and it was the sound of blood pumping through veins.

Although we were messing around with instruments and beats, we were working on a song called Holding On To You. Overall, we were working on all the songs we had played live to create a sort of portfolio or EP. They all included drums and piano and our challenge was to put them together, add more instruments and record it. So far, it was okay. But again, we felt as if we were in the deep end.

"Why don't we record the piano first? I know all the song on the piano." I suggested, taking the bass off my body and leaning it against the chair.

Josh nodded, playing around with the computer as I took a seat at my trust keyboard. Within the 3 minutes, it was done. Recorded and sounding good. Next were the drums and Josh killed it, making it sound even better. We were back and forth recording and playing instruments for a while until it was time for the vocals. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared.

The cheap, nearly broken headphones were placed over my ears before adjusting the microphone in front of me. It was a good microphone, but not expensive. It does the job. Josh played around with the laptop again, making sure all the wires were plugged in before hitting the button. The music tracks were played in my ears and I began to count, Josh looking to me and then to the laptop.

I took a breath and then began.

With every vowel, every note, every 's' and 't' and 'ing', I put everything into it as if it were my last breath. I had my eyes closed for most of it, just really focusing on the words and what they meant when I wrote them. What they could mean to other people.

"That was sick." I heard a muffled Josh through the headphones.

My eyes opened and the real world was let back in.

"I think this is my favourite so far."

I smiled, taking the headphones from my head. "What does it mean to you?"

He looked to me, a little confused but thinking. I want to make people think about what they're listening to. Not too hard, but just enough to be able to hide some beautiful things in our songs.

Josh cleared his throat, "To me it's just finding control."

Again, I smiled and looked to the floor at his interpretation. "I like that."

"What about you? What does it mean to you?" he asked, quiet.

I paused and kept my eyes on the floor. To me, it was about a lot of things. Finding control. Hope. Strength. Finding myself again. Darkness and light, all being twisted around inside of me. But those words couldn't leave my mouth to explain what it meant to me and I don't think I really knew why I wrote it.

"Darkness and light." I mumbled out, looking to him. "That's what it means to me."

We stood there for a while, Josh playing back the unfinished piece quietly as we thought. This idea that a song could become a feeling really stuck with me. I mean, anyone could create a song with an emotion in mind. The lyrics can literally tell you how to feel or the tone of the instruments can sway you towards happiness or sadness and everything between.

Can you imagine that? A room full of people, singing along to a song and all feeling the same emotion so passionately.

There's a moment I want to tell you about. It happened a few days after we recorded this song and I don't think I'll ever forget it. I don't think those people at that show will ever be able to forget it. It was only a venue full of about 200 people, but it was special.

I knew what song was coming next and a rush of adrenaline pumped through me, almost knocking me over. That day, I knew what Holding On To You meant to me. Tomorrow it may be different, but that day it meant one thing. Strength.

"I need you to do something for me. I need you guys to help me out on this next song. Is that cool?" I asked into the microphone, a cheer answering back.

I looked to Josh who was watching me cautiously, waiting for the signal.

"You can't find strength without support. At least I can't... so I want you to support me. Hold me up."

The crowd went insane. I guess that was a yes, huh?

Jumping down from the stage felt vulnerable, the faces in front of me smiling and screaming my name. Quickly, before security could stop me, I climbed the barrier and reached out for them. Hands from everywhere took mine, holding my balance. One foot lifted and immediately found a solid ground of hands beneath it. Leaning forward, I launched my other foot off the barrier and for a split second I thought I would fall. I would meet nothing but air under my right foot. But I was held up.

A smile spread across my face at the accomplishment, my hand holding the microphone being able to be freed from the hands below and giving Josh the signal. The synth started pulsating through the crowd, a smile appearing on my face as I stood high above the clouds. My other hand was freed for a moment and I spread my arms out, closing my eyes and taking in the moment of being held in the air.

"How do we feel?" I shouted into the microphone, opening my eyes and being greeted with hundreds of smiles and sweaty faces. "Here we go!"

The first few lines were perfect and I was hitting every note and letter as I did during the recording session of this song. Then I began to wobble back and forth, my voice showing as I missed a few words and fell forward. In an instant, my free hand was met with another which pushed back against the gravity. I continued going, making eye contact with the soul below who connected their hand with mine just at the right moment. They were holding on to me and I was overwhelmed with strength.

I felt alive. I felt loved. I felt infinite.