Song for this chapter: Bonfire Heart- James Blunt
Chapter 8:
"Has a doorknob ever looked this scary?" I fill the silence with this question.
I stand outside, Niall's hand in one of mine, and the other gripping the knob which I can't seem to open. I guess I'm scared of what's on the other side of it. With my memory comes the realization that, yes, I love Niall. But we've also had an awful track record, and the others are not exactly going to be jumping for joy when they find out about us.
"Hey, listen to me. Who cares what they think? It's just you and me Rosie. That's all that matters." He turns to me and says this.
I nod and open the door as quietly as I can. The kitchen light shines into the hallway. But otherwise the house is dark. I let out a sigh in relief. At least I have the night to process everything flooding my brain.
Like that's the kitchen me and Harry used to cook breakfast in. And I fainted in that doorway from lack of energy. And I beat Louis at FIFA on the flat screen in the living room. And this is the spot everyone tossed their shoes after the VMAs. And those are the stairs I dragged my suitcases down when I left for New York.
So many memories. They overwhelm me and try to fight for control of my mind. I snap out of it when Niall shuts the door too loudly.
"Well, they're asleep." He kicks off his shoes and leads me up the stairs.
We walk into my room and I sit carefully on my bed. He leans down and kisses me but my mind is elsewhere. I have been so blinded by love I had forgotten something. With the good memories, comes the bad.
"Goodnight beautiful." He says and then walks into his room. Well, that's gentlemanly and all but I'd rather have had him here to ward off the nightmares I know will come.
I wrap myself in my comforter even though I'm already sweating from the humidity. Sleep doesn't find me. But the nightmares do. And they are even more terrifying when you're awake and you know they are real.
-
His mouth leaves my chest and he plunges his tongue into my mouth. I try everything to move him, I tilt my head, I try to shut my mouth, but nothing works. He tastes of that same awful mixture of whiskey and cigarettes.
Then I feel it. A severing pain coming from my private area. I scream in agony but it is muffled by his own mouth.
Kyle is raping me. This is real. It isn't a dream.
-
I am once again stopped by the shiny reflective surface on my wall. It's mocking me again. My mirror.
My hands travel to my thighs. They could be so much smaller. Maybe if I had a flatter stomach, or a wider thigh gap, then maybe someone would see something of value in me.
-
"Brook!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I finally get to her after what feels like eternity. Someone is kneeling next to her.
Kneeling next to her in a puddle of red.
Blood. The bang. Brook on the ground.
My baby sister was shot.
-
With anger in my veins, I pull out the shard of glass from my last little episode. The world thinks I deserve this life. Here's my own form of payback.
I take the blade that strangely I have missed incredibly, and slide the edge across my arm. It doesn't cut right away so I do it harder the next time. Specks of red show but they aren't enough to relieve the pain in my heart, so I cut deeper. The first large droplet of blood appears and I become excited. It's like it gives me a rush of adrenaline.
