Song for this chapter- All Of The Stars: Ed Sheeran
Chapter 17:
Turns out leaving never does get easier. I spend the entire drive to the airport with tears streaming down my face. Navy and Rebecca try to console me; it doesn’t help.
“You’re sure about this Rosie, right?” Navy asks me.
“Positive, would you shut up about it already? Sometimes people cry.” I laugh through my tears.
“Not like that.” He says, “And not for those reasons.” He mumbles the last part so he thinks I don’t hear it.
“Don’t let me stay here. Promise you won’t let me back out of this.” I beg, knowing in my heart that he’s right and I probably will just run back to Niall.
“You will be on that plane, conscious or not.” He sticks his pinkie back and I grab it with my own.
We finally get to the accursed airport which I have come to hate so much. Honestly though, I’m excited to finally do something with myself. I’m just not so thrilled I have to do it alone. Navy and Rebecca are here yes, but at the end of the day they aren’t family to me. Not like Brooklyn, Ashland, or even the boys. I love the Johnstons, and it would be hard to live without them, but it feels impossible to live without everyone else.
We wait in the terminal and the same thoughts circle through my head as when I left for New York. Is he coming to chase me…does he even care that much…was that him over there or just another blonde teenage boy…
This all feels like deja vu. Him cheating with Megan, me boarding a plane but knowing in my heart that he means more than my career. But again, I take off anyway.
He let me walk away again, so I’m going to keep walking. I know he drove to my house and asked me to stay…but it just wasn’t enough. There’s a difference between I don’t want you to go and I can’t let you go. He’s never understood that.
Our flight gets called to board and I reluctantly hand the woman my boarding pass. I let Rebecca and Navy go first, and then I turn around. Nobody came. I step onto the plane without another word.
I sit down in the window seat and Navy files in beside me. I smile sadly and lean my face against the cold airplane window. This moment is bittersweet. I want to go to Holland, but I don’t want to leave England. I sigh as the plane begins to roll forwards.
Navy takes ahold of my hand as we begin picking up speed on the runway. I smile at him briefly and then sigh, holding desperately onto the last vibrations of London ground. Going, going…gone. The wheels lift off of the runway and my heart sinks as it always does on planes, but this time it falls just a little bit deeper. I allow one pesky tear to leave my eyes before getting ahold of my emotions.
“Its gonna be alright.” Navy says and squeezes my hand before letting go and leaning his head on Rebecca’s shoulder as she reads her book silently.
I put my headphones on and play some sad songs. I must listen to My Everything by Ariana Grande thirty times during the short flight. I look out the window and watch as London fades from my view, and suddenly England altogether is lost in the horizon.
The plane lands and I gently shake Navy and Rebecca awake. I allow myself the duration of exiting the airport to be sad, but once we hit open Amsterdam air, I force myself to smile. No, not force. The smile is real and I am so thrilled to go on this journey with Rebecca and Navy. I should say that I just remind myself of where I am and what I’m trying to accomplish here.
“Look at this place, we made it babe! We’re killing it!” Navy cheers and spins Rebecca around once we are outside and walking to the shuttle bus. I laugh at the two of them and take a quick picture with my phone.
