Host, Hubby and System

3.0- Toward the Future

[JIN] stared blankly at the white nothing in front of him. It stretched on for miles on an end, or maybe it was just a wall. It didn't matter, nothing did. Time trickled away as [JIN] sat reminiscing. Like there was a hole right in the middle of his chest. Some Days he would get up, he stared at his pathetic self in the vanity mirror and scol himself for self-pity. He felt like a pig, he barely washed up and often fell asleep in the bathtub. His family this time seemed to spoil him and his servants took care of everything.

[Jin] couldn't be bothered to do anything. He felt constantly tired or too hyper. He saw monsters in his shadows, fires in light. A servant talked a word and he would imagine cracking their bones at 5 different angles. It wasn't good. Sometimes there was a voice in his head that suicide would be a great option and forget about this world, the real world, retreat back into the blinding light space and stay there forever. Heal, mend, stay, safe. The voice nudged him toward the blade everyday, hour.

He knows Morrigan is here, and he stays. Crosses his finger and hopes, because he can't move. His body wouldn't listen and he felt lazy and worthless. Like he was repeating his own mistakes over and over, the world a stale piece of bread. When he did understand he had to do something he tried, but what's the point?.

The door slammed open as light flooded into the dark room. Jin hissed at his 'parents' and asked system 'What the fuck is wrong with these people.'

[They love you?]

Jin tilted his head to stare at his 'dad'. His father staring him down.

"Tim! You can't hole yourself in your room forever, just because that useless whore rejected you!"

'System this 'useless whore' is the female lead right.'

[Affirmative host.]

Jin took on his sad droopy look. He hated this, this life. He despised his existence, yet he couldn't bring it to end it.

"Tim. TIM LOOK AT ME." His father shouted preparing his own speech, "Tim I understand getting turned down by a pretty girl is disappointing, but you deserve better. I know for a fact that she'll regret everything when she realizes you will be the greatest CEO of the Noah Ark. You can't change someone else's feelings and she doesn't love you. I understand you moping, but you will not be stopped by this hoe. Your mother and I have agreed that you are the best thing of our lives. You need to look toward the brighter future. This is that hard truth, if all you can do is eat and cry than you are no better than a PIG!"

Jin nodded along only to have his father stare at his intensely. The father picked up Jin and dragged him out his room.

"You're going to work with me today." Tim's mom waved goodbye as the black car drove away.

---

I don't know what my dad was thinking when he dragged me to work, will it help, would it help. He sat me down and stacked a pile of paper in on my desk. Turning on the computer I watch it load the bright screen. I login in, starting to type, numbers, statistics, copying the documents, keeping my mind busy. Perhaps all I needed was to keep mind busy.

---

It repeats, like clockwork. Mom seemed so happy I was doing something, but I ached on the inside.

"Hey Timmy boy," my co-worker greets as I walk over to my desk. I nod in reply slumping in the cold chair. A coffee cup is set on my desk and Jones pats my back a little too hard.

---

It was fun, it's was fine for the first three months of course. Then guilt slams into me like a train. The brake was broken and it hit like a storm. The screaming in the back of mind swallowed the empty gossips of the other workers.

I could almost see the ghosts, and I walked back to my seat and typed. 1849.257430.3660#8358202.20586284926574. and the digits filled up the screen. 25.2789_.#068265920.357_937602.28#(_94/485950405).$937603854. Night to day, light to dark. I watched it pass with melancholy feeling. There was a need to live my life, blow up a building, the passion lingered in the back of my mind. Knowing I could, should do something different. Exciting. Then everything seemed dull.

I lean my head against the wall. I want Morrigan. The burden of living dozens of life crushing me down. Mostly the last life though. I hunched over my chair wanting to cave in and stop. Tell the world to stop and go on, without me.

'Let me die system.'

[r e s t r i c t e d]

So I walked on. I trudged through the day, and on August 27 I crashed.

I lay my head down on the cold desk and stopped moving. Energy sapped from me, frustration boiling over. My 'father' came over and talked to me.

"Like I care," my own poisonous words came in response to his concern. Guilt prickled the back of my mind, before I pushed it away.

--

Sometimes I could hear it, a stream or high sound. One sound constantly there. It fades away when more people are there though. A background noise, it's only the screams of Morrigan.

--

I collapsed in bed. My eyes welling up for no reason. In the dark I could feel warm streams of tears flow down my cheeks, snot dripping out my nose. Saliva covering the pillows as I screamed into them. Mr. 10000... Year old crying like a teenage girl. I didn't stop the torrent of tears flooding out. My face was hot and my heart was shattered. Morrigan.

I wiped my tears and snot away and went to sleep.

---

I'm not so sure I'm in control anymore. I watch as I type numbers and joke, and recede back into my own room to cry. I'm missing Morrigan and more than just love. I'm missing my own soul.

---

Sometimes I could hear my own snide words as I spat at my 'parents' and I let it go. I want to disappear. I hate this, this life, falling into despair without a good reason.

---

*Sup, good day isn't it.