Golden Eyes

7 - New feelings

He was lying on his back on the wooden surface, arms spread on his side, hanging. A pint was in his left hand. He was staring at the ceiling. She could tell he had cried, his eyes were still a bit red and swollen. And he had drunk. A lot.

She removed her hood and stopped a few steps away from him.

"I am sorry," she said in a weak, throat-tightened voice.

Her throat and her heart were tightening so hard it pained her, but she didn't wince.

"Callan's mother," Lothar said as he continued to stare at the ceiling. "She died in childbirth. I blamed him for it, for years. I'm not going to blame you".

He finally moved and stood up against the counter, the pint still in his hand. He looked at her. She saw something new in his eyes, beside the pain and the loss. She approached him, put her hand on his neck and rested her cheek against his, embracing him.

"He was so young," he said with his voice almost breaking.

She caressed his cheek with her thumb, and stood on her tiptoes to kiss his temple lightly. She trailed down kisses on his jaw line to the corner of his lips and stopped, unsure. She acted mechanically, she didn't think about it. He grabbed her hand and put it on his chest, still holding it. Their faces were inches away. They were looking right into each other eyes.

"In my entire life, I've never felt so much pain as I do now," he said in a broken voice, nearly a whisper.

She just stayed like this, her body pressed against his, eyes lost in his. He tilted his head slightly to the side, like he was about to say something. She stayed still, a storm of emotions swirling inside of her.

Then he roughly crashed his lips on hers, his free arm sneaking around her waist and pulling her closer, his other hand on the nape of her neck. She responded instantly, letting her hands roam in his hair. The kiss ended a long moment after, leaving them panting, in need of air, but mostly in need of more. He rested his forehead against hers.

"Are you sure you want this?" he said in a low voice, holding gently the side her face.

"Yes," she answered in the same tone.

"Good".

And he kissed her again, still a bit rough and demanding, but taking more time to taste her lips. They tasted salty, and they were as soft as silk. She let him take the lead, as she had never kissed anyone before and he seemed to perfectly know what he was doing. She liked the feeling, and the sensations. His lips had a sweet taste, like berries. They were rough, strong, and even if they didn't feel soft, there was a softness in the way they moved, the way they acted... Just like him. She felt his hold tightening around her waist, leaving no space between them. He pulled apart for air again.

"Let's go back to the palace," he said.

She nodded, and didn't try to pull her hand free when he grabbed her and led the way. She was a little scared by what might happen next, thrilled because of the new feelings she was discovering, unsure because of him, he was a bit unstable right now, after all that had happened. "But he is a grown man, he knows what he wants" she thought. If he didn't want this, he wouldn't have kissed her. Soon enough they were in the palace and he didn't let go of her hand. They walked past her door but didn't stop, which surprised her.

He stopped in front of a bigger door than hers and closed it behind them. Then she understood, and a bright pink coloured her cheeks.

They were in his room. It was a soldier's room. A big bed on one side, a plain wardrobe, a table and two chairs on the other. His armour and weapons were against the wardrobe. There were no decorations around. But she didn't have much time to look around because as soon as the door was closed, Lothar pushed her against it and kissed her with even more need than before.