Secrets of a Tomboy

Chapter Thirty-Four: Words Cut Deep

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Chapter Thirty-Four

            As soon as Lexi and I walk into the school, I spot Aaron standing over with Avril. We make our way to them Lexi smiling while I do deep breathing to calm my nerves.

            When we stop in front of them they smile, but look confused. “Avril, Aaron the is my long time best friend Lexi. Lexi these are my friends Avril and Aaron,” I say as I gesture between them. They all say hi and Aaron wraps his arms around my waist. “Aaron I need talk to you,” I say as I grab his hand and drag him behind me to an empty spot in the hall.

            “What about sweetie?” he asks with his head tilted down smiling at me.

            “I love you, you are and an amazing guy and I love being around you, but… I love you as a friend or a brother. I cannot string you on letting you think there will be something more because to be honest I gave my heart away a long time ago. It would be so not fair of me to string you along. I cannot be with you and I think we are better as friends. I am sorry. Please don’t hate me,” I say quickly while he stands their looking at me like a lost puppy.

            I am a horrible person and it kills me to do this but I know its right. I hope he understands. Aaron reaches up rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh… um ok. I get it. Thanks for being honest with me. We can still be friends, but you do know that Cameron will probably never come back to you?” he says angrily and I understand his anger and lashing out. Even though I understood where he is coming from it hurts to know he’s right about Cameron never dating me again.

            “I’m sorry Aaron,” I say softly and turn around walking away. The hallways are crowded but, as I past Lexi and Avril and it feels like time slows as I go by them and they stare at me Lexi with a kind smile and Avril with a shocked faces. I just hike my bag higher on my shoulder and keep walking. Once I reach my classroom and slip into my seat and laying my head down on the table. Tears silently fall down my face, but I bite my lip trying to keep them back. The bell rings and I sit up whipping my face quickly looking at the front of the room.

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            Lunch comes around and I shove my stuff in my locker and then shut it resting my head on the cool metal door.

            “You ok?” a sweet voice asks and I look up to see Lexi’s concerned face.

            “Yeah I’m ok, let’s go lunch. I’m starving I lie forcing a smile on my lips. I reach up and rub the side my neck.

            “Yeah sure,” Lexi says eyeing suspiciously I know I suck for lying to her but, I had no choice. I am too embarrassed to tell her the truth.

            Lexi flips her hair and smile lopping her arm through my own. We walk down the hall and into the lunch room. Walking to the lunch line un-loop our arms and pick up a blue lunch tray and stand in the line. Lexi does the same beside me and looks out at the crowed room.

            “What do you want?” the lunch lady who has her squirrely gray strike, brown hair in a net and in a hideous white stained uniform. Trying to hold back my disgusted face I point at the mash potatoes and gravy. Without speaking she dumps some on my tray and I slide down the line grabbing and apple and then an water. Tossing a couple dollars to the check out lady I wait for Lexi to join me and we look around and she leads me to our old table in the middle the room.

            Biting my lip I sit my tray down beside hers but, as I go sit down a set of large, muscled arms wrap around my waist and my feet are lifted off the ground. Soon I am being spun in a circle and then thankfully after five minutes it stops but, the room is still spinning, though. I hot breath begin breathing down my neck and tickles my ear as a deep voice says, “Guess who?”

            A smile stretches across my face and once the room stands still, I turn my head to look into those blue-ish brown eyes. “Hi Kayden,” I say with a smile.

            “Hi Andie!” he says happy and kisses my check in a brother like way before letting me go. I laugh and let’s go, and then I sit down picking up a fork and move it in my potatoes. Kayden sits down next to me folding his arms on the table.

            “So what’s up Andie?” he asks with his cute smile.   

            “Nothing much Kayden,” I say smiling. Then I glance up and see Cameron enter the room with his arm around Jen. He looks over here and stares in my eyes and for a second I think I see pain, but before I could blink it disappears and he looks away. They walk over to the jock table with his friends and sit down. I swallow the lump in my throat.

            “Where’s Avril?” Lexi asks oblivious to what just happened. I just shrug my shoulders and stare at my tray sad.

            “Avril? Whose she? Is she hot?” Kayden ask elbowing my side. I groan and look up at him.

            “My friend, she just moved here not too long ago, and I don’t know Kayden,” I wine and push my tray forward and drop my head on the table.

            “Hey Andie? Will you bring me a horse to ride at the show?” Lexi ask and I sigh and nod my head still not lifting it.

            “Oh! Horse? Show? Can I come? Will you bring me one too?” he asks sounding happy I sigh and holds up my thumb.

            He smiles and gives me one of those weird side hugs and I smile hoping today will hurry up and end. I do so well, but when I see him my world shatters and the pain comes back. It kills me and it hurts so badly, but I need get over it. From today on I will never show my pain.