This isn't something interesting to read. I just need to get my feelings out. I keep feeling sad for no reason. I take my meds like I'm told. I keep a journal. I see my therapist. I even tell myself that it is all in my head. It feels like everybody hates me. I take every little thing to offense. I have been pushing everyone away. Always sleeping but always tired. I stay confused and forget what I'm talking about in mid-sentence. I feel so worthless and lost. I want to make other people happy but how can I do that if I can't even remember how to smile? I have a boyfriend but he knows nothing about my 'depression.' I don't want to tell him and he get worried about it. I want to talk to people about it but I feel like nobody really cares. They can say that they do but words are just things that you say. I mess up everything with those things. I want things to get better but I don't understand how they will. I'm in so much pain and I don't understand why. I feel like if I do talk about these things it is for attention. I want everything but attention though. I want to just blend in the background and people forget me. I cry like a record on replay. It is the same thing over and over again. It plays so often that you are used to it and think nothing of it. It is a routine. My anxiety overtakes me every day and it is killing me. It is so embarrassing at this point. Constant panic attacks in front of everybody, fumbling for pills whilst sobbing uncontrollably and hyperventilating. It's a beauty really. I feel so worthless. I'm such a fuck up. I can't do anything right. Everything I say scares everybody off. At this point, I have stopped caring and I don't want anyone to care either. I a waste of time and my feelings are irrelevant. I should just do what everybody else does and forget about me. Drown in my own tears...
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UPDATE
My bf and I broke up. He said he wasn't very interested and never really liked me. Thank you self-esteem! :)
YOU ARE READING
It Doesn't Matter
AléatoireI don't expect anybody to read this so don't waste your time I guess. This is more of something for me to get my feelings out. If you read it then good for you ig.
