hospital beds:: remington leith au

[chapter four]

another week has gone by and i've been pent up in my room, isolating myself. avoiding group therapy sessions at all costs, taking meals in my room if i can and if not, hiding in the dining hall to avoid remington as best as i possibly can. i always do this. i snap at someone i get close to or find myself falling for. it's like a switch flips as soon as i get close to someone and i'm either so clingy to them that it makes them lose their mind or i push them away at any and all costs. technically, it's not my fault, but i could try to control it better.

enough of that reflection. i'm currently on my way to my one-on-one therapy sessions, because at this point, those are the only ones i really get in trouble for missing. i make it to my therapist's office and knock on the door.

"come on in, ophelia." i hear faintly through the door.

i walk in and sit on the therapist's (very comfortable) couch. i swear to god, its a ploy to get more out of you, the more comfortable you are the more secrets you tell them.

"hi" i say awkwardly.

"so how has your week been? anything i need to know about?" she asks me.

"uh. no?" i say, almost as if convincing myself of that fact, avoiding her eye contact and looking around the room.

"really? because thats not what i've heard." she tries to inquire, wanting me to open up.

"you're not going to stop until i tell you, huh?" i sigh, knowing this is a battle i'm only going to lose.

"nope" she says.

"uh, well, y'know, i might've snapped a little at some fucking douchebag that i unfortunately really care about and maybe even could see myself in a relationship with. and instead of apologising i've been isolating myself to avoid him." i mumble, looking down at my hands, disappointed in myself.

"yes, remington. i know."

"wait, how did you know?" i ask, it becoming my turn to question her.

"i've talked to him. i can't say much due to doctor-patient confidentiality, but what i can say is that you've really hurt him and he really cares for you. it might be in your best interest to give him an apology as soon as you can." she says giving me a gentle but also stern expression. like a mother scolding a child. it makes me feel even worse now that she has said this. well fuck, what have i done? i think to myself. i've royally fucked up haven't i? great job ophelia, look at you letting your mental health control you again.

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i finally finished my therapy session and i was fully set on finding remington and apologising to him. first i checked his room, then the lunch room, and the group therapy room. i had nothing, he wasn't there.

obviously the last logical place to check would be the music room, so i decided to go there. after what feels like a bit of an eternity, i make it to the door to the music room and sure enough, there he is. not at the piano though, as i had expected him to be, just sadly on the little couch, fiddling around a bit with a guitar. he hasn't noticed me yet, so i take a moment to look at him and assess the damage i have caused. he looks so depressed, so lonely, and his already suspicious number of bracelets has now just about doubled. i can also tell he has been crying. fuck.

this is all my fault.

what did i do?

i gently open the door to the room and he doesn't even flinch or turn to see who's entering, which is strange for him. he's typically very alert of his surroundings.

"hey rem." i say softly as i walk over to the couch he is sitting on "i need to talk to you."

his expression doesn't really change much as he sets the guitar down and looks up at me. i hesitantly take a seat next to him, looking him over again, this time up close and personal. the usual arrogant smirk and straight douchebag aura he puts on is now absolutely nowhere to be found. the stories his eyes always tell were etched across his entire face, a small pout resting on his lips. my stomach dropped and i felt like absolute shit. why did i do this to him? i did this to him.

this is all my fault, i repeat to myself, drilling it into my head.

"what more could you say to me ophelia?" he asks sadly with just a slight hint of anger, his voice breaking weakly.

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