Last Kiss

Chapter 1

   People say, it’s when someone’s gone, that you realize what you’ve had. You now understand what you’ve lost, like you didn’t before.

Not me.

I know what I had, and I loved what I had. He left anyway; he ripped my heart right out of my chest. Scratch that. I wish he had taken my heart, because if I didn’t have one, I wouldn’t be feeling this way. His name is Ethan Reid. I introduce Ethan before myself because I put him first, he is more important to me than any other person in my life, including myself. My number one in my mind is Ethan. I am, and always will be in love with him. Ethan means strong and safe. That’s what he is; he has been my safe haven for as many years as I can remember. Our moms were friends from collage, moved to the same town, and had kids at the same time.

Ethan and I grew especially close when my dad died suddenly in a car accident in 2007. I was 12 years old. I just remember crying and crying, everybody telling me it all going to be ok, and I didn’t want to hear that. I wanted somebody to shed tears with me, my mom never let me see her cry and many of my 12 year old friends didn’t know how to deal with death. Except Ethan. He would come over every day just to sit with me and listen, just to make sure I ate, to make sure I fell asleep at night. Ethan was my own personal psychiatrist.

At the beginning of high school, we both became stars. Him caption of the football team, I know, cliché. But Ethan deserved that spot; he trained day and night to be quarterback of the school team and loved football. He loved football so much I swear; sometimes he loved it more than me. I got a spot on the soccer team, it wasn’t kicking a ball around a field that intrigued me, it was running. I can run for miles and miles on end, I can beat Ethan in long runs. Short sprints… well that’s a different story. I made co caption of the team my sophomore year alongside my best friend Natalie Dawson. My other close friend Olivia Wes made caption and the three of us stayed close friends. That is… until it happened.

My name is Carson Lowoel. I’m an ordinary person, not a blonde haired, blue eyed beauty like Olivia or an artsy redhead like Natalie. I have long cheasnut brown hair that reaches down to my lower back and dark brown eyes. To some, I may be a mystery. To others, I’m an open book. My body is slim and slender from soccer, and my feet calloused from cleats. I have a long jagged scar down the back of my shoulder from when I was in the car accident with my dad. I am no one perfect, and I don’t pretend to be. To people like my mother, I am a beautiful person, to others that barley know me, and am the broken rich girl with a hot ex-boyfriend, to Nat, a fierce friend with a lot of pent up emotion, and to Ethan… well that’s where I stop. He used to call me his beautiful girl. He used to say that I swept him off his feet and I said it was the same to him. He used to say I was beautiful inside out. He used to call me his future wife. He used to call me his dream girl and said he would do anything for me. He used to trace the scar down my back and kiss it whenever he touched it. He used to… he used to hold me while I thought of my dad, he used to sleep with me at night and make love to me. He used to… he used to love me. I don’t even know what he thinks of me now. 

My crying got the best of me and I slump to the floor once again. My sobs rack my body as I lean my face againced the wall of my bedroom. I hug Ethan’s grey football sweatshirt to me tightly that I’m wearing and breathe in his Bulgari Man cologne that I love so much. Ethan always smells like mint and vanilla, researchers say that that sent is supposed to bring relaxation and confidence to women who smell it. All I feel is an aching pain in my chest and a clenched stomach. The day light poured through my window and attacked my watery eyes as I opened them. Memories flooded back as I thought of times when daylight had hit me before.

Ethan had decided to take a weekend off of training the fall of grade 10, and persuaded me to do also. We drove and drove up through Mount. Asenberg where our little town was nestled. Our town is also called Asenberg, I guess people had run out of ideas. When Ethan and I had gotten to the top at the end of the day, we watched the sunset as the light oranges and yellows cascaded across the land. That night we had made love for the first time in our little tent. It was the most magical thing I have ever experienced. In the morning, the sunrise woke us up as it lightened up our tent. I was sore, emotional, but the happiest I have ever been.