A Lonely Road

What Weighs Heavy on the Heart

After the conversation, Kaelie had retreated to her room, planning to grab a book, and then return to Jace's room so she could wait for him to wake up. She knew how creepy that sounded, even in her head, but she wasn't just going to watch him sleep and wax on about the unfair length of his eyelashes, or count the freckles on his cheeks. That was weird, and Kaelie was weird, but just not that weird.

Kaelie was telling herself that she was just going so that Jace wasn't confused as to why she had disappeared when he woke up, but she knew better, knew she just wanted to be back near him again, feeling his warmth wash over her skin. Jace's presence was as comforting as it was disconcerting, and Kaelie knew that she needed to accept the fact that she cared for Jace way more than she should, or ever intended to.

She was moving to leave her room, when she ran face first into Ben's chest. "Aw, balls," Kaelie said, her voice muffled by her hand and it massaged her hurt nose. "What the hell Ben, can you ever just announce your presence? How many more times are you going to sneak up on me?"

She looked up to see the smirk threatening to break out on his face and she shot him a poisonous look. "Laugh, Ben, and I will personally tie your limbs to four separate llamas and toss whatever the hell it is that llamas eat in separate directions. Think I'm kidding," she spat. The expression dropped from his face.

"I'm sorry, Kaelie. I just wanted to talk to you again. I saw you and Jace and I just," Ben paused here, and Kaelie was confused at how heartbroken he looked he left. He gave Jace up, had no right to insert himself into whatever peace Jace may have found. "I don't know. I shouldn't be surprised, Jace moved on, he forgot about me, but I loved him then and I don't know that I got over him."

Kaelie glossed over the fact that he wanted her talk about Jace's actions earlier, and just dove right into the second part. "He does seem to have that effect on people," she said softly. "Look, Ben, I would tell you that I'm sorry, and for the way that you hurt right now, I am. But I'm not sorry that Jace moved on, and I'm not apologizing for anything he did, or how he feels, or how I feel. We might all be dead by tomorrow anyways, so it doesn't really matter."

Ben watched her carefully. "I-so you do feel something then?"

"I distinctly remember us having this conversation before Ben, and I didn't answer you then. What makes you think I have an answer now? Jace is Jace, and, once again, besides the people in this house, he is the most important thing to me. Now, if you excuse me, I need to go make sure he's still okay when he wakes up, and come to terms with the fact that I have to take him along in this fight, and he could die. So, bye." Kaelie was being short, but the worry in her heart seemed to be eating her alive.

She turned away, sucking in her breath, and wandering into Jace's room. She tried to be careful, but the shifting bed seemed to rouse him, and he started mumbling incoherently, reaching out with his hands. Kaelie placed her palm in his, hoping it would stop him from waking up, and he calmed down immediately. She sat there for a while, who knows how long, reading Harry Potter for the thousandth time, thinking and overthinking.

Jace woke up and it was dark, he could feel the weight of the warm night air, could feel Kaelie's fingers intertwined with his. He lifted his head, saw her leaning against his pillows, The Half-Blood Prince opened on her chest, hair tangled across her face as she slept. As if she knew he was awake, she came to with a gasp, and she looked around frantically before her eyes settled on him, green and blue jewels glittering in the moonlight, and she relaxed.

"Was it another dream?" he asked and she didn't respond to him right away. Eventually, she nodded.

"Kaelie?" She hummed at him, waiting for him to continue. "Will you tell me what happened to you? How you got that scar? What Ben meant?"