Suicide had me wondering

Chapter 2

One morning you wake up. So so tired and not wanting to get out of bed. But it's a school morning and you have to stand up. So you tell yourself maybe today is going to be different.  Today I will be happier. Today wont be like any other day.

You get dressed and you're all done.  You didn't eat whole night and you are starving. But you refuse to eat anything because you don't want to gain anymore weight. You only drink a cup of coffee with no sugar. You greet your mother and go. You're on your way to school. This morning feels like any other morning , you tell yourself. I'm still really nervous just like every other day . You decide to keep on going. You meet one of your friends along the way. "Hey clair" says Jack. You just walk on because you don't really wanna be around anyone right now.  "What's wrong?" he asks. You pause.  Your face goes from sad to even more sadder. But you look at him with lying eyes and say "Im fine." You get to school . Mission complete.  You're proud of yourself for actually being able to walk in by the school gates even though it's the last place you want to be. First period comes. Your thoughts are running wild. ( should I just end my life now? What's the point of living. I'm so angry and I'm so sad . I hate my life and I hate myself.) You feel alone in a room full of people every single place you go. Your friends are making jokes and you're laughing . and they are laughing for how stupid you are laughing. if only they knew the only reason you were laughing was to hold back your tears. That day the teachers kept on asking you if you were okay . all you could do is fake your smile and say yes. Throughout the day you've been thinking about killing yourself. Everyone assumes you're HAPPY.  The bell rings and it's home time.  You're walking home and your stomach is begging you to feed it.  But as soon as you get home you completely ignore the cries within your stomach. No one is home. you sit in your room alone . Wondering.