photograph ↛ larry au

[5]

and when it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes, it is the only thing that makes us feel alive

<> <> <> <> <>

louis had left zayns on monday. not because he wanted to. 

zayn and perrie had to go to paris for perrie's family reunion. louis even offered to house sit, asking to stay and watch their house. anything to not have to go back to lonely home he shared with the man who ignored him.

louis had seen the pictures of harry with the fans on friday. he saw how happy and careless (and beautiful) harry looked. oblivious to the fact louis was crying, the ugly kind, eating and ice cream and scrolling through tumblr under the tag:

harry styles.

it was all so pathetic. and he waited until his droopy eyes finally shut for that fucking call. but he never got it. of course he received plenty of apology calls afterward. and even though he wanted to answer them, more than anything. he needed to move on.

not from harry, but from the sadness. 

from the petty stalking, and the constant calls, from the feeling of loneliness.

if harry could go and live his dream, have a happy life away from the relationship. 

then so could louis.

hell, louis even picked up the extra shifts at the store. he exercised every morning and went for ice cream afterwards.

and even though there were photos of the couple everywhere in their house, it didn't stop him. 

louis wasn't forgetting harry. of course not.

if anything his love had grown. but not in the sad crying way. louis looked at the pictures on his phone, at the goofy picture of harry on his wallpaper, and instead of his heart racing in a bad way, instead of him having to blink away tears. he smiled and he longed for the next few months to come faster.

and it was good, it was a happy, carefree, relaxing day.

but night was a whole other story.

he couldn't stop the aching in this heart at night, when he was struggling to sleep. he couldn't stop the emptiness that settled in the pit of his stomach. louis couldn't stop the answering machine that played harry's messages through the echo of their home.

he didn't have the strength to turn it off. 

all he could do was listen and shed the tears he had refused to spill.

<> <> <> <> <>

it's tuesday and harry hadn't talked to louis since last week friday when he fell asleep and stood up louis on their facetime date. 

it was killing harry and causing him to act distracted and grumpy all the time. which really wasn't good for the band.

they had gotten into little fights before, but never when harry was out of the country, it was unhealthy for both of them. and harry wanted to know how louis was holding up. he wanted to know if it was affecting louis as much as it affected him. he needed to talk to louis, to see him. to hold him. 

but he cant. 

harry couldn't even call and get an answer from his boyfriend. and its been 4 days. he didnt want to be irritating but he couldn't function without hearing louis' voice.

four days.

117 messages.

235 calls.

too many tears to count.

louis actually turned his phone off. and that hurt harry a little, but he tried to brush it off. so he resorted to calling their home phone.

"oh gosh, lou"

harry listened to his own laugh.

"what? they'll love it." louis said, and you could hear the smile in his voice. it made this wonderful thing happen to harry's stomach.

the beep sounded and he left yet another pathetic message of him apologizing, then rambling on about what happened that day: the fans, the meetings, the purfume. he ended the message like all the others.

"lou babe, im worried about you, please call me. please, i can't sleep or eat. im sorry. so terribly, sorry... i love you."

but what harry didn't know when he left his 118th message, was that louis had listened to them all. he was listening.

and right now in london, theres a tiny feather haired man lying on his bed, whispering back to the answering machine. 

"i love you too."