sᴜʙ ʀᴏsᴀ || ᴊ.ᴊᴋ + ᴋ.ᴛʜ ✔️

forty-nine

He was avoiding Taehyung again. Deliberately. Because his heart and his conscience were hurting him again. Spiting him. For days and weeks those words echoed in the chambers of his mind, endlessly, relentlessly:

"I think I've fallen in love with him, Jungkook."

Him, as in Rosa. Rosa, as in Jungkook. But Taehyung didn't know Jungkook was Rosa. Taehyung didn't know he had 'confessed' to the person he had fallen for. Jungkook wished that could have been reassuring for him. He wished he could have just admitted to being Rosa right then and there, and Taehyung would accept him, and they could live happily ever after. But no. It wasn't that simple. It wasn't that easy. It wasn't easy at all. If it were that easy, he would have confessed a long time ago.

Now things had grown worse. Much worse, and he just wanted to cry.

Jungkook sat alone in the kitchen late at night, legs resting on the table as he stared at his cup of coffee which was probably stone cold by now. It was around 2:30 in the morning now. He had basically transformed into a statue, not having moved for a solid two hours at this point. He was thinking about everything, but it seemed like nothing at the same time. It was like his thoughts didn't know what direction they were going. What direction they wanted to be going. He didn't know what direction he was going. Once upon a time Jungkook thought he had been making progress with Taehyung. Now he believed he had undone all of that in a single night.

He tapped his fingers against his glass mug.

"Jungkook? How long have you been out h-..."

He lifted his head abruptly at the sound of his sister's voice. She had entered the kitchen unannounced, unexpectedly, startling her little brother whose eyes were now wide and revealed traces that he had either been crying or was about to cry. Jiyeul locked gazes with him.

"It's two-thirty in the morning. What are you doing up?"

Fearful she would catch on to his mood, Jungkook hurriedly turned his head away, simultaneously picking up his mug to take a sip of his coffee--yup. Stone cold. "I wanted coffee," he said. "That's all. What are you doing up?"

"I was out with some friends. Just got home." She eyed her brother's expression. "Was not expecting to see you out here. Usually, when you're awake at an ungodly hour, it's 'cause you're playing video games. So I'm a little puzzled..."

Jungkook didn't try to justify himself this time. He hoped that maybe, if he ignored her and simply drank his coffee long enough, maybe she would leave. Maybe. Hopefully. Jiyeul would just leave him alone.

"Alright, let's go Guk. Spit it out. What's going on with you?"

She pulled out a chair and sat down across from him, raising her arms to rest on the table as she leaned in closer to him. Jungkook flinched. But he didn't move away. He knew Jiyeul was only concerned about him, after all.

"Guk..." She tilted her head. "You look so...sad. I'm not used to seeing you like this. I'm not gonna ask if something's wrong, I know something's wrong. I hope you don't think you can fool your big sister like that. I can be observant when I want to be, ya know..."

Silence. Jungkook stirred his coffee with his finger.

"Jungkook-"

"Jiyeul, I've done something terrible."

She froze. Then took a long moment to reexamine her brother's face.

"Tell me. I'm here for you, Guk."

He shifted his position, finally removing his legs from their resting place on the table. He scooted his chair in closer and slouched.

"It's a long story," he began, sighing as a deep frown settled in his countenance. "I've been lying to someone, Jiyeul. Someone very important to me, for a very long time."

"Well, I'm sure you had a good reason."

"I thought I did at first. But then the lie just became a cover-up for the fact that I'm a coward. And now I've dug a hole too deep for me to get out of. I...I fell in love with someone. This boy named Taehyung...he's Jimin's best friend. You remember Jimin, right?"

"Course I do. Kid's a total sweetheart."

"Right...well, you see, I..." Jungkook cleared his throat as he sorted through his head to find the right words. "I started communicating with him using a fake identity. I called myself 'Rosa' and insisted that I didn't want to reveal personal information about myself because of...reasons." He clutched the hem of his shirt. "I was a coward, Jiyeul. I pitied myself for not being able to get close to him in real life, so I created this stupid identity so I could talk to him. It's a lie. It doesn't matter what I want to call it, it's a lie. I lied about not knowing Jimin and Yoongi, and acted surprised when he told me about things I had been around to experience. And yet he thanked me constantly, telling me he appreciated how I was there for him, how I listened to and encouraged him, and how he saw me as a genuine friend. I felt guilty every time he said those things to me. Because I didn't think I deserved them. After all, what kind of friend would lie to you for an entire year?" He pulled his legs up onto the chair he was sitting on, then rested his folded arms on his knees. "A whole year. I've been fooling him for a whole year...a little longer than that now, actually. And now he's told me that he's fallen in love with Rosa--Rosa, not Jungkook. I'm scared, Jiyeul. I'm scared that if I told him I was Rosa, he'd be angry with me. Hurt that I didn't tell him right away. It's only natural, I mean, I've been right under his nose this whole time, I had plenty of opportunities to come clean, but I didn't, I just continued to lie, so why wouldn't he be mad? He could lose interest. Or feel betrayed. Or...or all of those things. He could start to hate me. All because I didn't tell him sooner. All because of a stupid, stupid lie..."

He hid his face. He hadn't expected himself to go into such painstaking detail, but he couldn't help it. The words just flowed out of his mouth like a stream of pent-up feelings.

"He wants to meet Rosa in person, and I just don't know what to do-"

"You meet him in person, that's what you do."

Jungkook lifted his head and stared into Jiyeul's eyes in disbelief. "Did you miss the part where I said I-"

"Jungkook."

Her voice was stern now. Stern, yet caring and compassionate at the same time.

"Jungkook, if he said he loves Rosa, then he loves you. End of story." She stretched her arm across the table and tousled her brother's hair fondly. "Listen, if you give into your doubts, Guk, you'll never know for certain. But if you ask me, if he doesn't accept who Rosa really is, then he was lying when he said he loved you. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Jungkook didn't reply. But his eyes were still visible, peeking over his knees, gazing thoughtfully at nothing. Jiyeul smiled.

"I have confidence in you, Guk," she said softly. "In you, and in this Taehyung person you seem to like so much. So I say go ahead and meet with him. Meet him and have confidence he'll forgive you." Silently she rose from her seat and sat down directly beside her little brother, draping a comforting arm around his shoulders. "It's gonna be alright, okay? I promise."

Jungkook found it in himself to smile genuinely at her.

"Thank you, Jiyeul."