ahhahaa yeet

a short one

That sick feeling in your gut hasn't improved, feel the lump rise to the back of throat, and swallow it back down again. Keep yourself from vomiting because the only thing worse than quitting is others watching you give up.
So push yourself further and further, the room may be spinning but you can eventually focus on something, sweat may drip into your eyes but run through the sudden stinging or you're blurred vision.
You will not be seen as weak, not now not ever. Push every anxious feeling into your running.
They're watching you, the fuck you going to do about it?
Suppress any sort of emotion that may be present.
You think you're good enough? You can't even keep up with the latter, save yourself the pain and give up.
Collect it and put it in that bottle you keep next to the trash can of your mind.
What even made you think you would ever make it? Who the fuck do you think you are compared to these people?
Count every step and breath, actually concentrate on what you're doing. Do not let these people see your anxiety, do not seem weak.
You're weak.
I am strong.
You don't deserve this.
I've worked hard for this.
You won't receive anything good.
I can try.
Quit.
No, I can do th-
Stop trying.
Let me tr-
It's over.
No plea-
You're done.
Give. Up.
Why do you even bother, you are no where near those girls.

I guess I don't need to keep at it anymore.