Natasha's mind was going in a frenzy of frustration. She had almost missed her job tonight and even risked getting fired. She was no dear of the employer for not to be replaced by them.
Collecting her messily spread thoughts into a subconscious mental box and closing it for a while, she had finally reached to her job. While her trained hands were effortlessly mixing and serving the liquor, her equally trained mind was finding it hard to comply to its status. She felt disappointed in herself for how could she break down in just one time.
Fearing the uncertainty, she started doubting that maybe she never really healed completely in the past. This strange person was just a walking example of something she was still harboring in the deep corners of her mind.
Almost letting out an inaudible whimper, her lips were finding it hard not to tremble in surrender. But her body wasn't yet ready to give up. She had a lot to do up ahead, even though she had already covered a great deal till now as well.
"Hey, you alright?" Sanchay, standing across from the counter, asked.
"Need I say it's a bit overcrowded tonight so that is all." Natasha dragged her words, not being sure whether he bought her excuse or not by the frown engraved on his average hispanic features.
"Okay... I will not ask but just do not mess up. You'll get us all in trouble." He spoke timidly, his eyes fixed on her hands, making her realize the outpouring drink flowing down the counter on her heels. Shocked, she immediately hurried up to the cause.
Even this little mishap couldn't stop her from zoning out and feeling helpless as if suddenly her mental box had started leaking the secrets.
She couldn't help but wonder about her life predicament. At the age 22 now, she was in the final year of her college and yet felt so confused about future. Even after finally getting a degree in criminal psychology, she felt no good about it. She laughed sarcastically on this internal joke that, now, her college course was turning into one real life.
She still remembered the time when she had turned 18, how she was feeling so hopeful about the life ahead, those moments of security while laying on the comfortable sofa of her parents' home, waking up to realize someone is out there to lookout for her and, mainly, the thought the world wouldn't be such a lonely place. Only if her parents didn't strongly disliked each other, and only if she wasn't the lone child they had together that she could have ignored that fact they were almost ready to kill each other off on the final day of signing divorce.
She wasn't so sure whether she should be that happy kid who didn't want anything from the world, just her parents or play the newly turned adult act where she magically should have solutions for all senior problems. Confusions were pulling her sanity apart.
She could have coped better if, almost suddenly, she would not have become a burden on them. Both of them were pushing each other to keep her as if she was a thing to decorate the corner of their new house. Dad didn't want to pay anymore for her education after the money settlement and mom didn't want to waste anything that she needed to survive as a single mother now.
Natasha couldn't help but think if she was born of a failed abortion. No wonder they didn't had more kids. She couldn't understand that why would even people marry if they're didn't want to love each other. It was as if marriage had become constricted to become a certificate necessary to have for society's approval. People were in too much of hurry for love.
Even her own love story had ended before she could out of the college. Oh John, you would have made a fine lover if you didn't give into your the pathetic needs of your little mind, she thought. She was almost certain they would be married someday, but he had to go and test his masculinity on none other than her best friend Alisha. More than their togetherness, the thought that they could have minded their own business without making her feel as a third wheel and saved her a deeply opened wound. Not a single day passed that she didn't think about them and still found herself nowhere close to closure which she desperately needed.
She had shouted that day on him that he would never find true love in his life even after he had continuously begged her to forgive him. He confessed that it was a mistake. Still Natasha could not bring herself to forgive. For her, forgiveness used to take time. Though, she wished she could do so instantly and saved herself following days of agony, mistrust and depression.
After that, it was as if every person who tried to talk to her was planning some personal revenge on her. Every time she stepped out in sunshine, she feared someone was hiding in the corner to make a twisted joke on her life, whereas darkness seemed to share her grief. She knew a big part of this reaction came from the vulnerable childhood that she had yet to make amendments with. But she never got the chance until now.
All these people had blocked her mind, although knowing well, because she had unconsciously allowed them to. She decided to leave it all behind and change the city - with the onset of several fatal situations which continue to make her feel nauseated and cant even begin to think about it.
She was almost homeless for one month before she begged her current job. She even had the job of a part time restaurant server alongwith tiny passively jobs, but she had to quit these day jobs after one year following her admission in college and having enough saved in store for her college fee. She wouldn't allow her life adversities to effect her future.
Taking a deep breath, she brought herself back to the present, although with great disdain.
Everything around her continued to resume. This bar, for the name of a happening place, it was all so monotonous in her eyes. Maybe this place had grown too much on her.
"Hey San, cover up for me, coming in five mins." She informed Sanchay as she entered in the back room which led to staff room.
Lighting the roll, she puffed out as her back hit the lockers with a slight pain. It was nothing in front of what she was feeling inside. All she needed right now was a high which could numb her mind for the moment. She hadn't touched this alternative in past one year but today she felt the craving to take it out of the pocket.
Standing in front of washroom mirror, she looked at how baggy her eyes appeared. The kohled black eyes matched with silky black hairs, she should be perfect emo, she thought. Her long pale face was enough to swoon anyone, only if her otherwise plump lips didn't constantly hold a grimace whenever someone tried to show added interest in her.
Splashing water on her face, she finally walked out and decided not to drawn in self pity anymore. He might have tried to break her confidence, but she knew how to patch it back on.
If earlier she was close to missing, emerging out, she stepped up on her job with much more presence now. She felt calm.
"Do you often smile within yourself like that?" A soft female voice made her look up from the glass arrangements on the table. It came from a woman, in around her 30s, having tightly spun hair bun, a slim figure encased in off-shoulder dress, but what caught Natasha's attention was her left arm covered in intricate ink.
Before Natasha could reply anything, the lady leaned forward and stuffed a paper in her hands. "Save the words." Saying that, she departed straight out, leaving her confused.
A very strange lady.
***
Note: Although it may seem interesting to see a character going through such turmoil, it's no fun to have same in real. Make sure our own metal bank isn't broken. Stay safe.
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CREEPSTER
Misteri / Thriller(It was a short story earlier, now redrafting it to make a full psychological thriller. Enjoy!) What would happen when she came across a person who was trying to murder her? The one who stalked her every step. The one who not only wanted to murder...
