She Is Beautiful

Nine

Nine
Playing

It was not until Saturday that Alona got reminded of tomorrow's terror. It was only a day away. It was more nerve-wrecking for her than when she had to stand and talk in front of the class. She never actually thought about it much. Sander asking her out? For her, it was still ridiculous. Yes, very ridiculous. Although a small part of her could not still help but hope and believe that it was real.

As soon as Alona heard Sandra and Sanda's voices, her instinct pulled her to crouch right at where she was standing. She knew she shouldn't be hiding, but she also knew the sisters were the polar opposites of their brother. If they saw her, they would stare her from the tips of her shoes up to the roots of her hair and suppress some of their mocking hostility.

"What was the book?"

"What?! You forgot?!" Sandra's shrill voice. Alona thought she was the worst older sister anybody could have. Sandra's pettish and impatient. Sanda's more lady-like. Obedient and composed. Though not really respectful when it comes to Alona.

"I'll call Sander." Sanda's voice was soothing, like those voices from the radio reading letters late at night. Alona liked it.

"I'm still annoyed that old man sent us here. He could have just asked Sander to buy it for him."

"Now that you mentioned Sander, I really think he shouldn't have done that."

"Done what?

Sanda lowered her voice. "That, Alona. He is only asking her out to get back to his ex. He is basically using her."

"Who said he isn't? Are you dumb or what? Did you actually think someone will sincerely like that piggy?"

"But what if Alona likes him?"

"So? Anyone can use that podgy."

"You are a girl too, Sandra. I am a girl too. Alona is—"

"A podgy piggy."

As Alona heard the scuffling of Sandra's heels fade away, she pressed her palm against her chest and pushed by hurt, her fingers dug into her shirt and skin. She was right. She knew it. She was right all along. Sander wasn't being serious. In the first place, why would he be?

Slowly, she pushed herself up. She felt her entire worth crumble. Tears clouding her eyes, she put the book back on the shelf. She laughed silently. What worth, I don't even have any worth to start with.

At home, Alona stuffed herself with more sweets and crisps and cowered under her blankets, her bulging eyes fresh from crying glued to her laptop's screen. A ghastly scene, a ghost, they will ease her swelling inside and out. When did she start losing faith in herself? After that day the book Under an Awning gave her a surge of confidence that only resulted in an overwhelming feeling of embarrassment? She wasn't sure. But she was sure it was her confidence that doomed her.

Once again she cried. As hard as when Henry shamed her in front of everyone else.

"Go buy me a gelato. Cinnamon peach." Lawrence tossed his card to Alona's feet as soon as she pushed open the door, not even giving her the chance to step outside her room. "With chocolate swirls."

Alona looked away, took a big stride to avoid stepping on Lawrence's card and went for the washroom without saying anything.

"You need some running, fatso."

Alona ignored her brother. She slammed the door behind her and with the crisps she had hidden behind the rubber gloves and scrub brushes in the bottom shelf of the sink, she put the toilet lid down. She was about to sit when the thought of breaking it stopped her. She sat on the tiled floor instead and munched. The food was for an emergency. Just in case she could not go down to the kitchen like when Lawrence's friends come over, or when Lawrence's eating and he would ask her to take the trash out and wash his dishes and vacuum, or when Lawrence's just bored and has nothing to do but tease her. Lawrence nor her Mom will never really find them. She was in charge of cleaning the washroom, after all. Although she shares it with Lawrence, her brother never cared how grubby their washroom turns out.

Lawrence's card was still lying on the carpet when Alona attempted going back to her room. She sighed. She bent with discomfort, gripped the card and slowly walked downstairs to the backdoor. She would love to jog her way like she usually does, but this time she did not. Some people might stare at her bouncing skin. She was used to it, but right now, right at this moment, she did not think she could handle any more jibing.

Alona thought she was so unfortunate. Before she could pull open the door of Gelato Blush, somebody pushed it first from the inside. Charles.

Charles held the door for her but as she stepped inside, she met Sander's surprised eyes. She was really unfortunate.

"Lawrence sent you here again?"

Alona hung her head low. Without responding to Sander's question, she walked past him, to the counter. It did not take long for the gelato to be scooped. Her eyes still not looking up or ahead, she pushed the door. A cold breeze brushed her face and it stung her crushed heart.

"Alona."

She was just going to continue walking, pretending she did not hear him. But Sander stood in her way.

"About tomorrow, actually—"

"I'm not showing up."

A highly strung laugh escaped Sander's mouth. "Yes, of course. You don't have to. I have to respect your feelings, of course."

Alona wanted to say that he did not want her to show up in the first place. But she would only be crying again while saying it so she did not.

"Thanks then! See you around!" Sander's voice sounded so relieved and cheerful at the same time that Alona nearly took her words back and returned him his jarring attitude.

Her gaze followed Sander. A girl hopped out of a red sedan, ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck. The girl was slim. Very slim.