I don't know if Jey said anything after I told him about the miscarriage. I know he slid off the bed to the ground and began crying. It was a while before he stopped crying. He stood up and sat back down on the bed.
"He isn't dead...is he..? The doctor might have read the thing wrong..."
"No Jey...the doctor read it correctly..."
"Wren...I...I'm so sorry...I'm never wanted to hurt you...or our son...now look what I've done...I seriously hurt you...and because of me...our son is dead...I'm sure you hate me now..."
I crawled over to where he was and brushed the tears off his face. "No...I still love you...we lost our son, but we still need eachother...now more than ever. I just hope now you see how important it is that you get clean."
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. "I know...I know..." I felt him bury his face into my hair. "I didn't mean to...I was just so scared that I would make a terrible father... I couldn't help it...giving into that made me a terrible father..." I could feel his tears on my neck and shoulder.
I sat up and looked at him, and smoothed the hair from his face. "Jey...you will make a good father... things didn't go as they should have this time... but that doesn't mean you'll never have kids..." He looked at me his eyes were dark with sadness.
"Wren...I don't want kids...unless you're the mother...I love you and I hate myself for doing what I did to you. Why you're still here...knowing I'm a failure...after what I did to you...I have no idea... but I'm glad you are... losing you... I couldn't handle that..."
"I'm not going anywhere..."
He pulled me closer before gently rubbing my stomach. "I'm so sorry baby...I didn't mean to...I'm so sorry..." He had started crying again.
"Jey...you need to go to bed... we'll talk more in the morning... we can go and get a headstone to put in the back yard...under the willow tree."
"Alright... I need to shower... would you come with... please?"
I nodded and followed him to the bathroom. We both got undressed and stepped into the shower. He pulled me to him hugging me tightly as the water poured over us. I let the water wash my tears away. I knew Jey was a good man... I knew I should be furious at him, hate him for what he did, but I couldn't. I didn't have it in me to hate him. Jey and my brother were all I have, and Jey is the only one who understands the pain I was going through. We needed eachother.
"Wren...?"
"Hmmm?" I looked up at Jey.
"Why are you still here...still with me even after what I've done...? Aside from that, I can't give you any of what you deserve."
"Jey stop it...I'm still here I'm not going anywhere. Now let's go to bed."
He nodded and we made out way to the bedroom. We both curled up under the blankets and I turned on a movie. Soon I was fast asleep.
When I woke up the next morning Jey was still asleep. I got up and got dressed before gently shaking him awake. I wanted to get some things done.
"Hmmm...?"
"Come on get dressed we have things to do..."
Jey nodded and went to put on clothes. We needed to go get a small gravestone for the backyard. I still couldn't believe it. I watched as he hastily got dressed. Soon we were in the car and headed downtown.
"I know things are bad...but I figured we could stop for breakfast." I looked at Jey as we pulled into the bakery parking lot.
"Uh...yeah ok." I watched him get out and walk to my side getting my door. He wrapped my fingers with his and we both walked into the store.
I went to go find our usual table and Jey ordered himself a coffe and me a chai latte along with two muffins. I watched as Jey sat down and handed me my chocolate muffin. Withing a few minutes we had our drinks. It almost felt like a normal day except there was a shadow hanging over us.
Not much was said as we finished our breakfast and headed to the engraving place. As we walked in I could feel Jey's hand tighten around mine. I could feel my heart grow heavy as we approached the counter.
"What can I help you with?" The woman behind the counter looked at Jey and I. Before I could say anything Jey answered her.
"We need a small memorial stone for our son."
"Oh...well we can definitely make you one. What would you like it to say?" Jey looked at me and I could tell he wasn't sure.
"Our sweet boy Avery. Mom and Dad will always love you."
"What size do you want it to be?"
"Oh...2 feet long I guess."
"Alright. If you leave your number I can call you when it's done."
I watched as Jey gave her his number before we left the store. No one ever tells you how weird it is to be buying a memorial for a child that never got the chance to live. There wasn't even enough to bury. Every part of me should hate him, but I don't. It wasn't him. It was his addictions. It sounds like an excuse but it's not, addiction changes people, causes them to do things they would never even think of doing when they would be sober. My brain was so far off and in such a fog I didn't realize Jey was talking to me.
"Say that again...sorry I didn't catch it."
"I said let's stop by the house and actually get ready cuz I've got a surprise for you."
"Oh...yeah sure."
We sat in silence as he drove us back to the house. We got out and headed inside. I was a bit confused when Jey went straight to my closet and pulled out one of my black dresses.
"Jey what are you doing?"
"What? I like how it looks on you..."
I nodded slipping it on watching him change into a dress shirt and his nice pair of black jeans. I had to admit he looked good. I was slipping on a pair of heels when I felt something cool slide around my neck. I looked up to see Jey fastening a necklace on me. A silver locket on a delicate silver chain. I teared up when I opened it to reveal a tiny copy of the first ultrasound.
"Come on love...I've got a surprise for you..."
Jey took my hand and lead me back to the car we got in and he pulled out of the driveway, and headed towards the abandoned building he'd work on his art in.
"Jey what are we doing here?"
"I told you I have a surprise."
He parked and got out. Comming around to my side he opened my door and helped me out. Taking my hand he lead me into the building and back to the room where he had painted me. The mural on the wall was still there. I watched as he once again pulled the tarp off of the couch and motioned for me to sit with him. When I sat down he laced his fingers with mine.
"Wren I have been absolutely awful to you....I wanted to do right by you. I wanted to get clean for you. I wanted to better myself so I could be a better man for you. You've made me see the good in life and that things can be great and that I can love and have someone love me even though I don't deserve it. When you told me I was going to be a dad...I was so fucking excited. That excitement was quickly replaced by fear that I was going to be a terrible father...that fear caused me to turn back to my crutch...it caused me to hurt you and our son. After what I did I was sure you'd leave...but you didn't...you stayed... I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I did but you have...I don't know what I did to get lucky enough to have someone like you...I don't deserve you...I love you more than anything and if you say no I understand..." I watched as he slide off the couch onto his knee infront of me and pulled out a small box. "Wren...will you marry me?"
"Jey..." I could feel my eyes starting to sting, I couldn't force any words all I could mange was to nod. He sliped the ring onto my finger and pulled me into him holding me tightly.
"I love you."
"I love you to."
YOU ARE READING
Heroin Heroine
General FictionI knew who Jey was. Most people did. He was the towns 'outcast'. We were both goths but he was what gave us a bad name. You want alcohol but are underage? Go to Jey. You want a one night stand? Go to Jey. You want drugs of any kind? Go to Jey. Botto...
