If You Loved Me Once

Yoongi's Morning

Yoongi rolled over in his bed and stretched his arms out above his head. The light was still low on the horizon as he sat up and glanced out the window. He was not used to his dreams waking him up and especially not before 7:00 a.m.

He brought his knees up to his chest and began to ponder the strange dream that had brought him out of his sleep so early. A good dream, yes, but very strange. He didn't normally dream about people he didn't know very well, or really, hardly at all. Why would someone just  find their way into his  dreams like that?

He felt between his legs for any sign that he might need to clean himself up as he thought about the name on his lips as the dream had faded. "Jimin" he had definitely said, and many times cried out, "Jimin" He tried to replay the dream in his head  so he wouldn't forget it. This was a keeper dream if ever their was one. Hell, he was even considering writing it down.

He thought about the face of the man in the dream. He knew who it was and actually remembered him well. But he hadn't thought about Park Jimin for, shit, like 4 years. Back when he had briefly entertained the idea of joining a Kpop band and becoming an idol. He almost started laughing at the idea of it. Him, Min Yoongi, Suga the producer, AgustD the rapper, an idol. No thank you. He had declined the offer to join a fledgling idol group called Bangtan Sonyeondan or BTS for short. A band who after several failed attempts was currently trying for one last comeback before they called it quits. He kinda feels like he dogged a bullet.

He had to admit he felt bad for them. All 6 of the members had incredible talent and worked really well with each other and those with whom they had entrusted their careers. It just had never jelled for them. Unfortunately that happened a lot in the Kpop industry and he had seen it destroy countless talented individuals. Yoongi isn't sure why they had had so many tough breaks and honestly wonders if he might have been able to help the band succeed. He knew that thought was a bit boastful on his part but he had nothing but certainty of his own talent, and  he didn't believe in false modesty. yeah, he could have helped them. Maybe he still could. Maybe that's why  he had a dream about that singer and dancer, Jimin. Maybe it was time to contact their company BigHit and offer his assistance.

The dream though. Maybe it was really the dream that was making him want to get in touch with them and not his desire to help them out? He thought maybe it was but honestly he didn't care. If he could help out a struggling group of really talented guys and see the one guy who had given him his first wet dream in years, to him it was all good. He wondered if he still had any of their contact information, or he could just contact BigHit directly. What would he say though? "Hey, this is Min Yoongi, the guy who blew you off 4 years ago to pursue a successful solo career while you guys struggled and floundered. How ya all been?" Oh and lets not forget to mention the dream. "So I had this dream that I was fucking, no, being fucked by one of your members and I was just wondering if you all were interested in getting together to shoot the shit." Yoongi was laughing at this point. In fact he had himself in stitches. Okay, that definitely wouldn't work. Plus, the more the dream came back to him he realized that it had left him with an interesting feeling kind of akin to longing. An intense desire that seemed to make his heart flutter a bit. He distinctly remembers the words I love you being spoken, and several times at that. He had dreamed about being in love and for some reason it almost seemed wrong to joke about it or see it as merely sexual. All Yoongi knew for sure is it had left him with a strong desire to see Park Jimin, and he needed to figure out some way to do that without seeming odd. Most people were just not this affected by dreams. Hell, he wasn't this affected by dreams. At least not until now. But this dream had affected him and even now he could feel the sweet afterglow of it. It had truly been a beautiful dream. Not to mention the man, Park Jimin, at least in his dream, had a beauty to rival the Venus de Milo, and Yoongi had always loved beautiful things.

He let his legs fall over the side of the bed as he contemplated the best way to go about actually getting in touch with Jimin. Yoongi was successful and he had no doubt Jimin would remember him. He had worked with all of them briefly after all. It was only when he had realized they wanted him as more than a producer he had decided it just wasn't for him. No hard feelings or anything, but rapper AgustD was never going to dance around wearing a sheer, lace shirt and skin tight pants, thank you very much. His style was over sized jackets and baggy jeans, or better yet, sweats and a tee shirt. Idol life was never for him and it never would be.

That didn't mean he didn't love the stage though. He absolutely, without any doubt, loved being on stage, loved being famous. He loved the rush of the fans chanting his name, yelling out the words to his songs verbatim, as he breathed heavily into the microphone. He goddamned loved it. But they were his songs, written and produced his way. He would have never been able to do that with an idol group.

But now he was famous, or at least semi famous. He had made a name for himself as a producer and rapper. He wasn't huge, certainly not global, but here at home he could sell out mid sized venues and his producing skills were sought out by some of the bigger names in the Kpop industry. He was A list. Okay, maybe A- list, but he wasn't complaining, plus he knew he was still on the rise, things could only get better.

Thinking about his own success made him feel bad for the group he had left behind. It's not as if he feels like they didn't succeed because he didn't join them, no wait, that's kinda exactly how he feels right now because the more he thinks about it the more he believes that he can help Bangtan. The more he thinks about it the more he is certain that he will.

Yoongi made his way into kitchen as he tried to come up with the best way to contact the group. He decides he will just call them. That seems like the best and most straightforward way to make contact, just call. He can bullshit the reason, since really, he doesn't know the reason. But he does, he knows. It's the dream. That fucking fantastic dream that should have faded in is mind by now but if anything, had become more vivid as the morning past. he couldn't shake the feeling that it meant something. Something kinda big. It made him want to write. It made him want to write a love song. Yoongi doesn't write love songs. What the hell was wrong with him?

His phone was sitting on the sink as he prepared his breakfast of leftover Kimchi rice. He stared at it as he imagined the call he would make. He sort of zoned out as thoughts of the call gave way to the dream again. He came back as the smell of burning rice hit his nostrils. "Shit, goddammit, get it  together Yoongi, what the fuck" he pulled the rice off the burner and checked to see if it was salvageable. You need to eat, Jimin. The words echoed  in his head as the smell of kimchi rice wafted around him. Wow, they say that scent is one of those things that can bring on strong memories, even those that had been locked away. Yoongi closed his eyes. Fuck that, I love you. The shivers going down his spine are very real. What the actual hell is happening? With shaking hands Yoongi reaches for his phone.