d e c e m b e r s i x t h
brendon stared at the ceiling of stars. smoke crawled into his lungs, his eyes were puffy and pink, sobs shook his body. his vision was blurred by salty tears that dripped from his brown eyes down to his red cheeks.
the buzz he was getting from his beer wasn't helping as much as he wished. the smoke from his cigarette wasn't calming him as much as he expected. he just wanted to numb the pain. he just want's an umbrella to shield the rain of life. he wanted something to shield him from this god damn hurricane that wouldn't end. he just wanted something, someone, to be his shelter.
and yes, he also thinks it's pathetic to be having a mental breakdown on the roof of your apartment complex at 12 am. but goddamnit everything just hurts right now.
he felt alone. he was exhausted, every day draining him more than the last. he was afraid of the words that invaded his thoughts. these were the times he wished that he had someone, someone to hold him, protect him from this stupid fucking hurricane. he never would though, he was to damn unlovable.
//
josh walked down the streets covered by thick snow from earlier that night. josh was wandering, sliding down the icy streets in the quiet. he had too much on his mind to care where he was going. snow crunched under his feet as he walked. he shouldn't be outside, it was 1 am and it was 23 degrees. he wished he was home asleep, with his arms wrapped tightly around his boyfriend. but tonight he was restless and worried.
he was so absurdly worried, and maybe being aware that he was stressed made it worse. he beat himself up for the fact that he was worried in the first place. josh is supposed to be calm and collected, he doesn't like to be the vulnerable one in life.
//
tyler sipped his tea as he looked out his bedroom window. he should have gone to bed hours ago, but he couldn't sleep knowing josh was out on a walk in the cold. tyler didn't mind being up at night though, it was so calm. tyler was deep in his train of thought, letting his brain keep him from boredom by presenting thought after thought.
his birthday was a few days ago, 20 years old now. he still felt 19 though. he was sure that by the time he got used to saying he was 20 he would be turning 21. that's just how it goes.
the snow had stopped falling around 9 pm. everything was covered in a layer of white, and it would stay that way until around 7 am. that's when the kid's in his neighborhood would run out to disturb the blanket covering the neighborhood. the kids would build snowmen and pelt each other with snow balls. it was fun to watch the smiles on their rosy cheeks as they play joyfully.
that's the happiness of snow i guess. tyler's always thought that snow itself isn't fun, but watching others goofy smiles while making snow angels sure is.
he decided to give up and go to bed. the clock read 1:45 am. josh is a big boy, he can handle himself... mostly.
//
