d e c e m b e r s e v e n t h
brendon walked down the snowy streets. it was busy, filled with the hum of cars and people's chatter. exhaustion was written in the lines under his eyes. brendon never sleeps good. on a good night the most he gets is around 6 hours. last night though, he got 2 at most.
he couldn't remember the last time he slept through the night. okay no, that's a lie. he tries to forget it, he tries so hard to forget that last night. but unfortunately, brendon remembers it perfectly. he remembers every small detail. he remembers feeling so secure, he never saw it coming.
brendon remembers holding them close. he remembers them nuzzling into his chest. he remembers their soft snores. raking his fingers through the hair that needed a cut. he remembers the moonlight making every feature on their face pop. he remembers every whisper, every touch, every breath.
brendon shouldn't miss them as much as he does. brendon shouldn't long for their touch after all these months. but he does and goddamn it hurts too much. he can't lie in that bed with the memory of them right next to him. so he smokes, and drinks, and tries his best to sleep. he tries to forget. and maybe he's succeeding in small ways, he won't say their name, he won't walk down the street they work on, he threw out everything that made him think of them. he erased them from his life, his environment.
but when it's time to sleep, to relax, his mind is stuck playing the little details on repeat. those are the things that sting.
//
josh was on his morning run, although his exhaustion had reduced it to a jog now. he should probably be at home right now, his parents and siblings were coming to visit soon and he had to clean. they were all spending time together at josh's apartment before christmas. they didn't visit him often because it's so far, but he can't come home this year because of work so they are coming to him.
normally josh would be excited to see his family, but it's different this time. they've always loved him, but he's scared that they won't after this visit.
and everyone keeps saying that it will be fine, that he's overreacting, that it'll be like ripping off a bandaid. but josh just won't, josh can't stop himself from worrying endlessly.
coming out is scary, you know?
//
in all honesty, tyler is doing great. yeah he's a little tired... okay so maybe he's exhausted, but other than that he's great. tyler is an artist, and today he's feeling inspired. those are the best days. he paints until he decides that his vision is as perfect as it's going to be and lets it dry.
he washes his hands, further staining the once white sink. when he paints he wears one of josh's old t-shirts and some sweats. he decided to get dressed so that he can go out. he chooses black cuffed skinny jeans, a black and white striped long sleeve shirt that he tucks into the jeans, his black jacket, and a red beanie for color. he slips on his combat boots and grabs his keys.
he's feelin like being edgy today.
stylistically anyway.
he looks at his supplies and decides he needs more paint, and more brushes, and maybe some watercolor pencils, and maybe some more erasers, oh and he has been wanting to get some more of those tiny canvases, and he needs so—
//
