Dear Reese,
Don’t hate me. Don’t be mad. I had to leave. It’s just . . . this small town didn’t hold anything for me. I stayed because you asked me to. But then the other night, you told me that I need to forget how I feel, and remember what I deserve. And so I think that’s why I sent this to you. Because you’ll get it. I left because I deserve more than this small town.
So do you.
But I can’t be the one to show you that. You have to do it yourself. And I wish that I could hold your hand, but if I did, you wouldn’t learn anything. Maybe this is me justifying it, why I left, so I won’t feel guilty. Maybe it’s the truth. Well, no, I know it’s the truth. That just makes me lucky, I guess.
I don’t know much of what I can prove to you with this letter. You just always told me that if I left, you’d have me most if I didn’t tell you. So I’m telling you. Like you asked. So you can’t hate me. Please don’t. I know you won’t be able to tell me whether you do or not; by now you know I’ve gotten rid of my phone, and I’ve not given you a return address. So I’m going to go to sleep, knowing that you’re one of the people who makes promises they’ll keep.
I love you. I don’t think I said that enough, Reese. I’m sorry. But I love you. So wipe your tears, because I know right now you’re crying like a fool. But you’re a beautiful crier. Even if you deny it; it’s true. I hope you’ll read this when you need me. Maybe write me letters and put them in that shoe box I know absolutely nothing about. The one filled with letters and letters to your dad?
Don’t worry. I didn’t read them. I was helping you clean your room that one time, Reese, and I saw it. So I opened it. They all sat perfectly in line in their white rectangle envelopes, with your handwriting scrawled across the top. Your dad was a bastard, Reese. And I know you hate him, but you’ve got to get over that. It will rule you. You’ll go through life hating him and you won’t do anything else because you won’t know how to. Sometimes, you need to forget your habits, such as hating him, and learn new ones.
Forget how you feel, baby girl, and remember what you deserve.
If I could, I would give you the world and more. But I can’t. I can give you this letter. So read it when you need a hug. That’s what this is; my arms wrapped around you for a short moment.
I’ll miss you the most. You’re my best friend, Reese. And I want you to remember that. Maybe someday you’ll see me on the billboards in Time Square, like we always talked about. Maybe you won’t, like we realized late at night, sober from our dreams. Either way, the world will fall asleep and wake up, just as I am sure I will never meet a better girl than you.
You know what to say, like that time I wanted to kill Brandon for hurting Claire. Oh, god. Now is when I know you’ll be angry with me the most. You’ll have to tell her. Maybe you can let her read this? I’ll put a little P.s. at the end, just for her. You can read that if you want. And, Claire, if she lets you read this all the way through, I love you too. I love you both so much. I wish I could’ve taken you both with me, but I knew that wouldn’t result in anything good. I needed to get out. I need to be with my volatile self for a while. I’ll come back. I will. Don’t forget me, Claire-bear and Reeces Pieces.
