Sidney Quinlan is the 35-year-old father of two, the loving husband of a stay at home mom named Janet. He works as a dentist at his own office and has his own parking spot. He doesn't live an exciting life. Or at least he didn't. Not until he meets...
"I'm glad you could make it Sidney, I feel like we have a lot to talk about." Dr. Bennet said as I sat across from her. I wasn't in the room two minutes before she had made that comment, and it made me bite the inside of my lip. Even Dr. Bennett knew something was going on with me. Well, I mean of course there was I made that obvious. But still, what did she think we had to talk about?
"Yeah, I guess we do," I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck, Scott had offered to come and wait in the lobby for me, but I had figured it was best I went by myself, though I had him on standby just in case it was all too emotionally draining for me and I didn't feel like driving home.
"We can start with something simple. How was your night last night? How did you sleep?"
Her notepad was ready and waiting, hand holding her pen. "My night was good, I had dinner at a friends house, I slept on the couch again, it wasn't too bad."
"Janet told me she offered for you to stay in the guest bedroom, why don't you sleep there?"
"I don't know. It doesn't feel right. Plus how do you explain to the kids that we're sleeping in separate bedrooms."
"How do you explain to them why you're on the couch." She asked it was simple. Eric didn't care, and when Morgan asked the two times she bothered, I just told her I simply fallen asleep.
I shrugged, letting out a sigh. "Who was your friend?" Dr. Bennett asked, her legs crossing.
"His name is Scott."
"And how did you meet Scott?"
"We met at work, he is a lawyer in the office space above mine."
"He's a lawyer. Interesting, he must be rather busy. Do you spend a lot of time together?"
This was it. "Yeah, I go to his house about three times a week."
"His house?" She raised a brow, her pen scribbling. "Do you go out anywhere as well?"
"Yeah, his house. We did. But we ran into my son, Eric, and it was... awkward."
"Why was it awkward?"
I rubbed my hands together, I had played this moment in my mind over a hundred times, but now that I was here, about to come out to somebody that wasn't Scott, my nerves were rattled. "Scott and I were, um." I bit my lip, looking around the room before looking back to Dr. Bennett. "Scott and I were on a date."
I watched to see her reaction, but she didn't flinch. She must have been fairly good at her job because I saw no judgment, not a flinch as it passed my lips.
"A date?"
I nodded. "A date."
She paused. Then nodded her head. "Tell me about Scott."
"Scott is... Scott is amazing. He is a bit younger, but I always forget because he is mature, he's funny, kind, very understanding. We don't have sex. We both agreed not to have sex until Janet was aware of what was going on."
"How long have you two been together?"
"This is going to sound silly, but we've only been really seeing each other about a month and a half. But it feels like a lifetime. We just, fit."
Dr. Bennett smiled lightly, putting her pen down and looking at me. "Why did you really book these appointments with me, Sidney."
"I know I need to be here. I know you can help me. I don't know what I am, but I know I feel guilty, and that I can't be doing this to Janet. I need to tell her, and I need to do it with somebody that can help us afterwards."
"I think that's very thoughtful of you Sidney. Do you plan on telling Janet while we all sit together?"
I hadn't really thought that far into it. But it was probably a better idea. If I told her before, or after appointment things might get a little out of control, but if I tell her here at least we can have someone talk us through the emotions. "Yes," I said, leaning back in my chair.
"Good, then how about we push your next solo appointment to Monday, and we make it a double. I think something like this should be out in the open. I have an appointment with Janet tomorrow, and we'll see how things take it from there. If you're ready for that."
"I'm more than ready for this Dr. Bennett."
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"I'm nervous," I mumbled to Scott as he drove with me to Dr. Bennett's office. I would have driven with Janet, but depending on how this ends I might need him as a ride and he almost begged me to take him. He wasn't going to be seen, he didn't want to go into the office. Well, he did but we both knew better than that. It would be smarter for him to stay away then be seen right after I come out to my wife.
Though I wasn't totally sure if I was going to tell her I was seeing someone, I was planning on telling her I was gay. Maybe later in life, I can tell her that I was almost sure I was bisexual, or maybe I was something else and I just didn't know the name of it yet.
Scott squeezed my hand with his free hand that rested in between both seats. "It'll be ok. And if you aren't in the car by three, I'll go back to work and you can call me later. It's ok to be nervous. But I'm sure everything will be fine." He pulled into the parking space and I could hear by heart beating in my ears.
I just sat there for a minute, while holding Scott's hand in mine as we sat in the semi-full parking lot. I just needed a minute.
"Alright," I mumbled, looking over at him. "I'll see you in an hour." Scott went to lean in, but I shook my head, looking around the parking lot in fear that I would see Janet's car.
Scott just smiled, squeezing my hand again. "Good luck."
"Thanks," I replied, getting out of his car before taking a deep breath and walking in the building, my palms starting to sweat. I was walking in there, trying to get myself to change my whole life.
I could do this. I needed to do this, for everyone.
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