the day that time stood still (thasmin)

chapter 1

above: Aurora's Infections Of A Different Kind

(doctor pov)

Its been a month since I last saw the team. I wrote a letter to them yesterday, asking if they wanted to come back. It just feels like so long since I last saw them, I'm actually starting to miss them a lot. I miss Yaz's sense of adventure and Grahams ability to talk about anything, I've been asking the TARDIS to play that rappy type song Ryan put on for the Spiders too. She must be getting annoyed with it by now, my TARDIS, but I know she is missing them just as much. I'm so different when I'm alone, left to my thoughts. All I can do is wallow in memories of everything we have done together. After this long alone I have normally been through every news issue about my past adventures. I'm so ready to go on more, but I don't know if they are yet, the last one was too difficult for us and we needed the break after what had happened. They were scared, I lost my temper and as a result we nearly died. I just need to see them again. At least to apologise again. I can't tell how many times I have said sorry but I was in no place to keep them safe and we needed the time to regroup ourselves. Yaz did try to see me once, about a week after I dropped them off. I had to pretend I wasn't in, I couldn't bear to see the look on her face which always convinced me to carry on when I really should stop. I watched from the console and she stood there for almost ten minutes before leaving a note and leaving. I still haven't read it. It will be too painful. All I can do now is wait to see their response from mine.

I land on the 23rd August at 12:55 am, I had to make sure I would get there early so they weren't waiting for me. I look outside to see Yaz's apartment standing over the park I have chosen to stop at. Everything is dark, the street lights just about lighting the paths, many flickering and covered in graffiti. I return to make sure I got the right year, as I cant turn up late like that again. I still remember the look on Rose's mum's face when we landed a year late. She was so scared, her daughter turning up with a strange man after a year completely unaware of what has been happening. Yep, 2019. All good. Good good. Just have to wait now. I sit in my TARDIS, my ship which has gotten me through everything, even escaping my home planet.

The letter sitting on the console seems to stare at me, wanting to be opened. She's teasing me now, knows I cant handle opening it in case it says how Yaz doesn't want to see me again. The TARDIS worps at me and its frustrating. "i can't, what if she doesn't want me anymore" she vworps again " no, she doesn't. She can't. I'm un lovable. I'm an alien for gods sakes." Silence, not for long though, the TARDIS brings up a screen with clips of our adventures. "what?! You was filming us? Of course you was. I cant trust you if you are going to film us" Despite my anger I watch the screen as my ship lowers the lights and turns up the volume.

I watch as Yaz and I laugh and run around the console, as if we ever had any control over it, trying to get ourselves to mars, then the planet Agetha II in the Roxarn solar system. Giggling away as Graham gets himself a custard cream from the dispenser, at the same time my own slides down and I eat it slowly as I take in the memories of team Tardis. I watch the time Ryan came out in full Theodoran clothing, and then the look on Yaz's face when she realises I have a full wardrobe and that we didn't need to go out and buy more. Graham laughing in the background. I watch the time after we had managed to evacuate the Pting, which Ryan couldn't take seriously because of its "stupid name" I watch the time we survived a witch hunt, and when we escaped a hundred rampaging hippos in Sub-Saharan Africa, we only made it because we were nearly next to the TARDIS. I feel my eyes heating up, realising that this may not be an option anymore, not with this amazing group of people. I check the clock to see how much longer I have until I say hello then a quick goodbye to the group of people I have grown to love.

2:00 am, 23rd August, 2019, Sheffield, England. Not much has changed here, yet so much has happened. I look over to the letter, knowing that if she does turn up, Yaz will almost definitely ask about it. Biting my tongue, I open it, carefully so not to tear the envelope. A TARDIS blue card lies inside, careful doodles line the edges in white, inside it is all written in the same white pen, letting me know that she made the card herself. I make a mental note to myself to frame it later, and put it in my room of artefacts and gifts.

"Dear Doctor, I've really missed the times we shared together. Without you in my life everything seems so slow and bland, life here is like stale bread but life with the TARDIS is like the best sandwich ever. Thats a weird analogy but I'm sure you'll get it. Spending time here has made me realise how little there is to live for, even being a police officer seems a waste of time. They're still only putting me on minor incidents and juvie cases, and none of this compares to the good we can do together travelling through time and space. If you're reading this either you wasn't in or I chickened out of talking to you, but if you are I would really like to see you again, or just to hear from you because I really do care doc. You shouldn't be alone so much.

In other news my leg has healed fully and thats all thanks to you really. High chance is that had you not been here to help I would still be in pain, the leg has been bad for a while and now its almost as if nothing was ever wrong. You shouldn't be beating yourself up about it all, it was my fault. I know shouldn't have run back to get you, but I can't say that without feeling like I'm lying. I will always run to you doctor, whether its in the middle of a war or across the park to your TARDIS. I will wait however long it takes for you to feel comfortable with us again but don't be too long, or use your time machine to make it seem like less time. I don't know how many more questions I can take from my mum. It just like "so... where's your friend" " haven't seen the doctor around recently" and "just let me know next time you go with her".

Ryan's been ok but Graham's been ill again so he's been in and out of the hospital. He went in for scans yesterday and its not the cancer for now, but his immune systems weak. He's trying to be strong for us here but I can see it hurts him.

Now I need to finish up, theres barely any space left so if you feel ready to talk, even if its just the two of us, please drop in. My family would be happy to see you, you're part of it now anyway.

See you soon doc, I really hope we do xx"

Tears are streaming down my face now, I cant control them, I hate not being able to control myself. I look over to the small purple sofa sitting at the edge of the control room and stroll over to it, curling up and letting myself be overcome with the emotions I've needed to express for so long.