HIS Entry on Her D.I.A.R.Y.

Love is Not Selfish

 (SOPHIA)

June 17, 2010

I'm sitting on the sand beside a big rock with the same height as me. I watch how the waves seem to disappear when they reach the shore and erasing the footsteps I made walking towards this spot. My short hair flying in all directions as the cold breeze reach me, making me chill with the help of the water splashing towards me.

The sun is slowly beginning to set over the lake. I took a glance at my reflection in the water. My outside looks have changed drastically within the past few months, but the water reflected the true me. Inside I’m still the same person.

But I know everything happen for a reason and I know that if everything didn't happen as they happened back then, my life will not be like this, my life would probably Noah-free. And I won't like that. I like everything that happened in my life even if it isn't the happy ending I'm hoping it would be.

I have done and given so much for love but never once, have I received it back from him. There are times that I wanted to tell him everything that I’ve done for him and make him love me back. There are times I thought I couldn't handle all the hurt he doesn't know he's giving me.  But I can’t. Because Love is not selfish. 

I'd never thought my life would be like this. Never once I've thought life would take away everything from me this fast, so early, so soon.

I saw a broken branch stick beside  me. A reminder of how hard my life had been through the past 6 years...

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

October 31, 2004

I was running out of breath as I reached the front door. I hastily run towards the kitchen to find something to cook before mom check everything for dinner.

 I was asked to stay for two hours at school to have a special tutoring lesson offered by Mrs. Carter. I am grateful for the help she offered me once she dismissed the class. I haven’t been in school for a week because of my heart failing to do its job to be a heart so I just stayed home doing household chores with the respirator on my pocket.

“Oh God.” I whispered to myself.

I’m looking above me with all the cupboards’ doors opened and I brought the soysauce I’m holding on the table. What can I make out of a bottle of soy sauce? A soup?

“Oh-my-god. Oh-my-god.” I am starting to panic. I look at the clock beside the microwave. 6:45. I frantically look inside the fridge but only found bottles of water. Mom will be here any minute now.

“Sophia!”

“Oh Gooooooood.”

My hands are now shaking. I ran towards the hall beside the stairs. I checked my wallet and found a dollar. There’s no way I could buy something out of a golden 1 dollar for dinner good for three.

I am starting to blame myself for spending my savings for that apple this lunch. If I wasn't that hungry then I would have some money to buy us something for dinner.

“Sophiaaaa!”

I started to run upstairs knowing I don’t have any chance to make a dinner out of dust ,air and a little bit of soy sauce.

I’ve heard the pots being thrown on the floor. Curse.

"Get down back here, young lady!"