LOVE ME.

twelve.

sorry :( i've forgotten how it's like to write. and i know a lot of yall aren't even here anymore so maybe i'll just use this to practice my writing?? idk but yeah

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should i mention this to him... if i do, there'll be a chance that he'll stop. if i don't, he may continue to keep at it.. but what if he gets upset that you looked through his home? or maybe-

a hundred thoughts swirled around in jeongguk's mind, his indecisiveness messing up his train of thought. the few seconds of walking through the hallway felt like years in the boy's mind before he came to his final decision- yes, of course he would talk to taehyung. who wouldn't? he couldn't die with any regrets.

he walked through the hallway before entering the living room again, sitting next to taehyung- who was now on the couch- quietly submerged into his thoughts. he didn't seem to notice the other boy, before he lightly tapped the brunette's shoulder. he fished around for the thin piece of metal in his pocket, clutching it in his hand.

"yes, gguk?" his voice was still hushed, as if he was still in shock (which he was.)

now's the time. it's now or never.

"i- i know it's not my place to look through your home or anything- i had noticed one of your restroom drawers slightly opened and was going to close it, but i saw something shiny and it caught my eye."

at this point, the honey boy's eyes darted to the floor, a small and tense inhale becoming audible to the boy next to him. he saw the latter slightly move, bringing his hand out from his pocket. he looked up, his thoughts freezing as his eyes connected to the familiar object in the other's hand.

"tae... i can't let you hurt yourself anymore. knowing you do this, i...i used to know you as a happy and jumpy person. what happened? since when have you been doing this?" why did you start-"

at this, the once tense male beside jeongguk let out a painful scoff.

"since when? why do you care? you caused me to start doing this! you left me with jimin and i was left stranded! forgotten! abandoned! and now you're suddenly caring about me because you found a small fucking blade and realized that i get hurt and bleed by the hands of my own?" taehyung's voice hitched, laced with hurt and pain and betrayal. he took a deep breath again, before deciding to say whatever he wanted and spit out cold words.

"please. don't act like you really fucking care about me and give me false hope. both you and jimin, you both left me in the dark. you started to bully me! you still make fun of me! and you come in out of nowhere, acting like you really care? that we're still close? what are you thinking jeon jeongguk?" the boy, calming down from his high of angry emotions, suddenly looked away and hung his head. his eyes were clearly pooling with tears, the glistening orbs filled with emotion.

he took a deep breath, his intake of air hitching in his lungs, before replying in a more quiet voice.

"a-and yet... i still care about you. still love you. pathetic right? i'm pathetic. you do this to me, kookie. yet i can't hate you, no matter how much i try. you've ruined me by making me think you could love me like i've loved you, my whole life."

at this, the raven-haired boy frowned and opened his mouth to reply, but he shut it again. it was clear from his face that he wanted to argue back, but deep down he knew it was true. what taehyung said was true. and at this, he felt his heart drop.

he hurt him so much. and he didn't know how to fix it.

he loved jimin. a lot. he couldn't leave him.

he broke taehyung. just to be like the others who made fun of him.

he disregarded his past with taehyung, his childhood became nothing to him.

before jeongguk could dwell into his reflections more, the one who filled his current thoughts spoke up.

"just... leave. i can- i can lie to mom. i'll tell her you're over keeping company when you're supposed to be here like she wants. but don't worry. you don't have to be with me while she's gone. spend your time with jimin, go back to how you were. i know how much you love him. i miss him." the honey boy showed a small smile, he'd do anything for jeongguk. anything. despite how he treated him.

jeongguk obviously didn't like how taehyung was telling him to leave, but he thought he didn't have the right to stay, or hurt the soft brunette boy anymore. he couldn't imagine how the other was feeling.

he walked quietly toward the door, taking one last look at the latter, who was watching him with tear-filled eyes. and his head tilted downwards.

"i know, i don't have the right to show you any form of care. i don't know what i'm doing. but i know that i don't want you to hurt yourself more. anyone who would find this kind of information out would do the same as i am right now."

and with that, he turned and left, leaving taehyung to slide down the wall in silence, drowning in more pain than ever. all alone.