chaos girl || saiki kusuo x reader

zero

the author looked at this chapter, realized it made no sense whatsoever, and then decided to upload it on the amazing "fuck it" principle.

just so you were aware of it, anyway. i know it's my—er, our story, but i totally didn't get at all! crazy right? lmao hopefully you have better luck understanding than me!

- [name]

❀ ❀ ❀

chapter zero starts with me putting down a rock.

it's a perfect day for this. sun shining, birds singing, high school students tittering, and the smell of oil wafting through the air. i don't really care about all of that though. i'm just here at early o'clock in the morning to put down this rock in a vague blue blob. a rock that might be the thing that blows up this gas station, might i add. and i suppose i'm also here to stop the combined rhythmic beeping of my magical girl hair clips that call themselves "Psi Helpers" (patent pending). and also to stop living this whole day on loop. you'd think that going back to sleep after i mess up the exact positioning of this rock would be easy so early in the morning... whatever.

and for the record, just because i call this rock a gas station destroying rock doesn't mean it's actually going to destroy this gas station. hell, it might do something pretty epic. i dunno. if you haven't picked up on it yet, i'm a messed up magical girl with awesome hair clips. this isn't a psychic reader story, no siree!

despite all of what i've said, i know for a fact something bad is going to happen. i have a knack for inadvertently causing chaos, which succs because i live near this gas station and my house might get blown up into smithereens. like yea, i'm gonna to take a hard pass on that.

look, i get that a bit of anarchy is good for the soul but i ain't fond of causing extreme harm to others. shocking, i know. you clicked to read a Saiki K. x reader fanfic called chaos girl and so far you've had to endure the reader character spouting complete nonsense while telling you that she isn't chaotic evil?? "eXcuse me," you cry, "i clicked for a female Ouma Kokichi loving up on Saiki Kusou,,,i want my time back pl0x???"

well, boo hoo. i is me. and that "me" is an ordinary girl who at most will totally crack at watching a slime prank video. y'know, ordinary funny stuff. basically, i don't find gas stations blowing up to be all that fun. but i guess i still accidentally will cause it to go kablooey because life hates me! i assume that's just the norm for gun-wielding magical girls trying to protect the flow of time for reasons i'm not really too sure of.

i guess i can boil down my situation to something even more simple:

i'm a girl who indirectly causes chaos.

"chaos girl"

congratulations! no really, you've deserve it! if i haven't beat this point into you enough, you have made it about... 450-ish words full of pure nonsense. welcome to chapter zero where all you know is that this chapter takes place during that interesting chapter where Saiki explains his precognition ability. we have cookies and punch near the table.

i suppose i could tell you what i mean when i call myself a magical girl or how this mess of a person can even remotely gain the affection of a guy like Saiki. but that kinda ruins the rest of the story. plus, that's a lot of information to unpack all at once... plus plus, trying to explain everything is just gonna lead to more questions! it's like explaining a lvl 7 meme to your parents. not really easy to do.

and, AND, this chapter zero takes place at a point in the story where i'm not even sure that Saiki likes me back. shit, i don't even know if the current me even likes Saiki! and telling you why i think that would take even more explaining! you know what, i'm gonna stop monologuing and see what i do after i perfect this rock's placement.

finally. the rock is perfectly in its translucent blue blob of time fixing. i back away from the spot and watch to see if my placement was good enough to put this gas station in danger. and boom! it is! don't worry that wasn't the sound of a gas station blowing up. instead, it's more accurate to say that it's my reaction of seeing a certain psychic appear from around the corner (please don't ask why that is my reaction). i didn't realize that the result of my rock shenanigans would bring Saiki Kusuo himself to fix this mess. a school girl runs by and a motorcycle whizzes past me. pretty nice. seeing as something different just happened, my task is done. no fighting monstrous versions of things, no wild goose chases, and especially no pulling down shorts! i check my phone's time. yikes. i spent a really long time perfecting the placement and making sure no other idiot would kick it away. if i don't hurry up, i'll be late for school.

because yes, even an ordinary magical girl like myself still has to go to school.

it's when i'm sitting down at my desk that the bright light of task completion envelopes me. it's a floating sensation that makes me feel like a fairy. it ends, and the table and chair i was touching falls to the ground with a crash. everyone stares at the mess around me. oh, looks like i was actually floating. thank god that things like this is "the norm" in this weird af academy.

luckily, neither me or my table and chair breaks. it's nice, because i'm kinda sick of going to the hospital. when i'm done with it, someone from somewhere throws a note at me. i read it.

Usual place —S.K.

oh wow, i wonder who that could be.

despite only having a couple minutes before the bell rings, i walk over to this mysterious usual place, aka the stairwell leading up to the rooftop. three flights of stairs has me wheezing by the time i'm greeted by his "some motherfucker stole my coffee jelly" face. "before you say anything, i didn't want to do it, and you of all people should know that!" i say immediately.

he sighs. "I was going to a scold you on that, but then I realized that you have no control over it," he explains. "so, what? i came over here for no reason?"

silence.

i'll take that as a yes.

"i'm going back to class, Saiki. throw another note in my face if you want to talk to me again." i walk away. my wrist is jerked back. ah, the good old stopping the girl by the wrist. except that the hand that's supposed to be stopping me from moving it actually him using his telepathy powers to stop the edge of my sleeve and--

"Oh, it ripped."

i look at my torn sleeve, wondering what excuse i could use to get my parents to get me a new one. or maybe i can get Saiki to pay for it- "I can already tell what you're thinking, and I refuse," he says to interrupt my thoughts. "wha- i thought you couldn't...?"

"I don't need to read your mind when you have that stupid look on your face. Nendou could learn a lesson from you," he says while walking past me. hey! when did Saiki become so savage? is this even in character anymore? "wait! you're the one who pulled me back!" i shout as i catch up to him, "and you were the one who ripped my sleeve so you have to take responsibility for it! it's rude to just—"

in one second, my hand is just dangling at my side. the next second it's scooped up by Mr. Psychic and my mind goes blank. damn these feelings! i feel like steam is coming out from my ears. and honestly, i wouldn't be surprised if they did. "Will you be quiet now?" i nod dumbly. god, i would let him take me anywhere as long as he's holding my hand. kyaaa!!!

oh, who am i kidding! this isn't progress of any kind! this is just a petty tactic to shut up an annoying nuisance by using her little crush (which he most definitely knows about at this point) against her. gah! my love life is just a big fart noise. like i'm the girl that blanks when her crush—who might not even be her crush—does anything remotely romantic, and Saiki... well, Saiki is Saiki. i don't even think he's had a romantic thought in his life.

despite all of these negative thoughts, i know deep inside my school girl heart that one day we'll have a happy ending. it's a Saiki x reader after all. it'll happen. eventually.

ahh... if only that day could come quicker.